Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: The Rolling Stones? More like The Strolling Bones

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: The Rolling Stones? More like The Strolling Bones
Up in arms

Outrageous! Dastardly hooligans have plagiarised Glasgow’s greatest cultural contribution by adding some very familiar headgear to this new Bee Gees statue on the Isle of Man. Somehow, we don’t think Lord Wellington (or his horse) will be happy about

Outrageous! Dastardly hooligans have plagiarised Glasgow’s greatest cultural contribution by adding some very familiar headgear to this new Bee Gees statue on the Isle of Man. Somehow, we don’t think Lord Wellington (or his horse) will be happy about

Ken Smiths Diary

The Diary: Diving and hype before Euros final is at least over

Deedee Cuddihy spotted this book in a charity shop in Glasgow’s West End. She imagines that volumes about highfalutin headgear are harder to find in charity shops situated in less salubrious parts of the city, where the books tend to be about tartan

Deedee Cuddihy spotted this book in a charity shop in Glasgow’s West End. She imagines that volumes about highfalutin headgear are harder to find in charity shops situated in less salubrious parts of the city, where the books tend to be about tartan

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald diary: Have the SFA checked if Matt Hancock has Scottish ancestry?

The decontamination of the Dounreay nuclear facility has some way to go if this sign in the nearby village of Reay reflects the current situation, says reader David Donaldson

The decontamination of the Dounreay nuclear facility has some way to go if this sign in the nearby village of Reay reflects the current situation, says reader David Donaldson

Ken Smiths Diary

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Herald Diary: Checking out the atmosphere

John Dunlop notes that Birds Eye is now labelling its products guided by what is not in them. He’s curious to know if these fishless fingers are also finger-free.

John Dunlop notes that Birds Eye is now labelling its products guided by what is not in them. He’s curious to know if these fishless fingers are also finger-free.

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: Here's why it's tough being a Bearsden schoolboy

Foster Evans is intrigued to know what low flying means, when applied to owls. Do they skim mere millimetres across the surface of the planet, perhaps? Or slightly higher, meaning you have a chance of dodging them if you duck and roll.

Foster Evans is intrigued to know what low flying means, when applied to owls. Do they skim mere millimetres across the surface of the planet, perhaps? Or slightly higher, meaning you have a chance of dodging them if you duck and roll.

Ken Smiths Diary

Why Glasgow pupils have an extra reason for wanting Scotland to win at Hampden today

Neil Oliver on GB News

Neil Oliver on GB News

Ken Smiths Diary

64

Herald Diary: Rent-a-gob Neil Oliver's GB News may be 'biggest mistake in recent history'

US President Joe Biden (left) talks with Prime Minister Boris Johnson, during a walk outside Carbis Bay Hotel, Carbis Bay, Cornwall, ahead of the G7 summit in Cornwall

US President Joe Biden (left) talks with Prime Minister Boris Johnson, during a walk outside Carbis Bay Hotel, Carbis Bay, Cornwall, ahead of the G7 summit in Cornwall

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: Bumbling along with Boris

Foster Evans was impressed by this notice board, which does seem to be a bit stroppy, though in its defence, it has used the word ‘please’ twice.

Foster Evans was impressed by this notice board, which does seem to be a bit stroppy, though in its defence, it has used the word ‘please’ twice.

Ken Smiths Diary

The Diary: Royals know a little about humility . . . sort of

Tom Mumford was impressed by this pub sign, and admits he’s delighted to discover that hostelries are now offering stimulation and education in equal measure for youngsters in need

Tom Mumford was impressed by this pub sign, and admits he’s delighted to discover that hostelries are now offering stimulation and education in equal measure for youngsters in need

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: The Hoff and a hauf and a hauf

Reader Bruce Stephenson notes that the follow up to Mike Oldfield’s classic album wasn’t nearly so popular.

Reader Bruce Stephenson notes that the follow up to Mike Oldfield’s classic album wasn’t nearly so popular.

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: Where does it hurt? Can't put my finger on it ...

Alan McKinney from Edinburgh spotted this sign. He isn’t sure whether the animals to beware are the fuzzy critters drivers might accidentally bump into. Or perhaps it’s the animals behind the wheels of cars that the warning is aimed at.

Alan McKinney from Edinburgh spotted this sign. He isn’t sure whether the animals to beware are the fuzzy critters drivers might accidentally bump into. Or perhaps it’s the animals behind the wheels of cars that the warning is aimed at.

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: When rabbiting on was a clever sales factor

Gerry Minnnery spotted this sign outside a pub in Moniaive, Dumfries and Galloway, which seems to be half advert, half threat.

Gerry Minnnery spotted this sign outside a pub in Moniaive, Dumfries and Galloway, which seems to be half advert, half threat.

Ken Smiths Diary

1

How nursery can help play a part in gaining wisdom...

Scotland's Graeme Souness (l) and Kenny Dalglish (r) watch as teammate Archie Gemmill (c) looks up to pick his spot

Scotland's Graeme Souness (l) and Kenny Dalglish (r) watch as teammate Archie Gemmill (c) looks up to pick his spot

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: Archie Gemmill and more daft tales of greatness

John Dunlop was at Carlisle Cathedral and believes there may have been a special visitor. “No sign of the wee donkey,” he adds.

John Dunlop was at Carlisle Cathedral and believes there may have been a special visitor. “No sign of the wee donkey,” he adds.

Ken Smiths Diary

1

Herald Diary: A cool accessory for the family dog

Hugh Peebles spotted this car during the bank holiday weekend. As the sun was out, it meant the vehicle was indeed a very hot rod.

Hugh Peebles spotted this car during the bank holiday weekend. As the sun was out, it meant the vehicle was indeed a very hot rod.

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: Is this the worst-kept secret?

Barrie Crawford spotted this sign outside a Peebles cafe. We’re sure the sconces are delicious, though we wonder if bits of mashed lightbulb get trapped in your teeth when you chomp down on them.

Barrie Crawford spotted this sign outside a Peebles cafe. We’re sure the sconces are delicious, though we wonder if bits of mashed lightbulb get trapped in your teeth when you chomp down on them.

Ken Smiths Diary

2

Herald Diary: Natural to abhor a full vacuum

Elizabeth Anderson spotted this sign in Bishopton. We imagine it would be very useful for anyone attending a handstand convention in Dargavel Village who is looking for directions

Elizabeth Anderson spotted this sign in Bishopton. We imagine it would be very useful for anyone attending a handstand convention in Dargavel Village who is looking for directions

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: Mischief-making on the Renfrew Ferry

Robin Gilmour from Milngavie notes that this toilet appears to be flushed with success.

Robin Gilmour from Milngavie notes that this toilet appears to be flushed with success.

Ken Smiths Diary

Here's why Pep Guardiola could now be in the running for the Celtic job...

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: From BoJo to bars, breakdowns and soup disasters, it's all going wrong

Visiting a Stornoway supermarket, John Mulholland spotted the breakfast munchies next to the stuff for whacking weeds. He’s curious to know if this is the only Scottish store with a special aisle for cereal killers.

Visiting a Stornoway supermarket, John Mulholland spotted the breakfast munchies next to the stuff for whacking weeds. He’s curious to know if this is the only Scottish store with a special aisle for cereal killers.

Ken Smiths Diary

The Diary: Hard times for readers

John Dunlop is curious to know if this store sells anything but carpets, or perhaps it’s just the bear necessities.

John Dunlop is curious to know if this store sells anything but carpets, or perhaps it’s just the bear necessities.

Ken Smiths Diary

1

Herald Diary: Words of wisdom from the jersey boys

Lumsden Stuart from Newton Mearns is most impressed by the mathematical proficiency of the vandal community. Though he wonders if this particular miscreant cheated and used a multiplying ap on a mobile phone.

Lumsden Stuart from Newton Mearns is most impressed by the mathematical proficiency of the vandal community. Though he wonders if this particular miscreant cheated and used a multiplying ap on a mobile phone.

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: Why you should be wary of David and Sarah

Richard Blair spotted this restaurant in Oldham. He’s not sure whether it’s promoting a high standard of food or a low standard of morals.

Richard Blair spotted this restaurant in Oldham. He’s not sure whether it’s promoting a high standard of food or a low standard of morals.

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: The art of fine dining

Doug Maughan spotted this poster in a San Francisco theatre. “There used to be an expression ‘going for a tinkle’,” points out Doug. “But you’d need quite a bladder to stretch it out to a musical.”

Doug Maughan spotted this poster in a San Francisco theatre. “There used to be an expression ‘going for a tinkle’,” points out Doug. “But you’d need quite a bladder to stretch it out to a musical.”

Ken Smiths Diary

Christmas is a time for giving ... but not when it comes to tree baubles

Ken Smiths Diary

The Diary: Bog standard approach to proper language

Barrie Crawford wonders if this car, parked in East Kilbride, might be a fan of a certain football club that’s been making the front and back pages of The Herald recently.

Barrie Crawford wonders if this car, parked in East Kilbride, might be a fan of a certain football club that’s been making the front and back pages of The Herald recently.

Ken Smiths Diary

1

Herald Diary: A reason for rejection, right under his nose

Hugh Peebles’ wife has ordered this soap. With its rather descriptive name, Hugh is very curious to discover what its scent is like..

Hugh Peebles’ wife has ordered this soap. With its rather descriptive name, Hugh is very curious to discover what its scent is like..

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: I can't chase him, he's Bob Dylan....

Doug Maughan spotted this restaurant in Singapore which appears to be boasting, in a topsy-turvy fashion, about the quality of its cuisine.

Doug Maughan spotted this restaurant in Singapore which appears to be boasting, in a topsy-turvy fashion, about the quality of its cuisine.

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: The virtual reality of the cars of the future

Gordon Casely notes that you can’t escape certain heated debates in Scotland, even when you’re meant to be convalescing. He noticed this highly politicised message stuck on the label at the end of his hospital bed, and it certainly

Gordon Casely notes that you can’t escape certain heated debates in Scotland, even when you’re meant to be convalescing. He noticed this highly politicised message stuck on the label at the end of his hospital bed, and it certainly

Ken Smiths Diary

A combination that saw Huggin and McKissack with Fred at university

A postie hard at it

A postie hard at it

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: Please, Mr Postman

Pete Miller says these bollards outside a school in Sandymount, Dublin, are a constant reminder to local pupils that not only is the pen mightier than the sword, but also that the pencil is a pal of the pedestrian.

Pete Miller says these bollards outside a school in Sandymount, Dublin, are a constant reminder to local pupils that not only is the pen mightier than the sword, but also that the pencil is a pal of the pedestrian.

Ken Smiths Diary

The Diary: The hole truth

David Donaldson spotted this Airdrie pet grooming service which is having a larf with an added “Arf! Arf!” Though what passers-by too young to recall a certain classic children’s cartoon series will think of it is anybody's guess...

David Donaldson spotted this Airdrie pet grooming service which is having a larf with an added “Arf! Arf!” Though what passers-by too young to recall a certain classic children’s cartoon series will think of it is anybody's guess...

Ken Smiths Diary

4

Herald Diary: Will Donovan be a mellow fellow? This could be surreal...

Reader John Moore notes the power of the apostrophe, the omission of which magically turns this business from open to closed.

Reader John Moore notes the power of the apostrophe, the omission of which magically turns this business from open to closed.

Ken Smiths Diary

4

Herald Diary: So who would play Alex Salmond in a biopic?

For some unfathomable reason author Deedee Cuddihy immediately thought about the recent return to TV screens of Steve Coogan’s classic comic creation, Alan Partridge, when she spotted this car on Glasgow’s Crow Road.

For some unfathomable reason author Deedee Cuddihy immediately thought about the recent return to TV screens of Steve Coogan’s classic comic creation, Alan Partridge, when she spotted this car on Glasgow’s Crow Road.

Ken Smiths Diary

2

Herald Diary: Lessons in teacher banter

David Donaldson wonders if this Australian wine, presumably made by members of the Scottish diaspora, could become our nation’s udder national drink.

David Donaldson wonders if this Australian wine, presumably made by members of the Scottish diaspora, could become our nation’s udder national drink.

Ken Smiths Diary

The day Peter Mandelson gave his verdict on chips and mushy peas...

Hugh Lamont wonders if this barber shop in Oban belongs to members of the Turkish branch of the clan McCaig.

Hugh Lamont wonders if this barber shop in Oban belongs to members of the Turkish branch of the clan McCaig.

Ken Smiths Diary

4

Herald Diary: Missing out on trial by television

The Canadian cousin of a Milngavie reader spotted this gloomy-looking post which seems to be suffering from Post-fatal Depression.

The Canadian cousin of a Milngavie reader spotted this gloomy-looking post which seems to be suffering from Post-fatal Depression.

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: A high-flier's down-to-earth attitude

David Donaldson spotted this wine in Lidl and believes Alex Salmond may like to slug some in celebration if he wins a seat in the upcoming election. (If he loses, he may prefer a tap-water tipple.)

David Donaldson spotted this wine in Lidl and believes Alex Salmond may like to slug some in celebration if he wins a seat in the upcoming election. (If he loses, he may prefer a tap-water tipple.)

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: Blind terror when they spotted the pilot

How Boris Johnson can address the problem of wallpaper bills at No 10

How Boris Johnson can address the problem of wallpaper bills at No 10

Ken Smiths Diary

How Boris Johnson can address the problem of wallpaper bills at No 10

Skip to the loo, my darling

Skip to the loo, my darling

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: Skip to the loo, my darling

Rod Arnold approves of this pithy sign which dumps on dogs who dump disreputably.

Rod Arnold approves of this pithy sign which dumps on dogs who dump disreputably.

Ken Smiths Diary

1

The Diary: Feathered fiends not to blame

Author Deedee Cuddihy spotted this sign near Glasgow University. Rather confused, she argues that, surely, it should be the other way round?

Author Deedee Cuddihy spotted this sign near Glasgow University. Rather confused, she argues that, surely, it should be the other way round?

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: The bane of Shuggy Bain author's life

Hugh Paton came across this this spray in his garden shed during a clearout and wondered if he should send it on to Mr B Johnson of Number 10 Downing Street.

Hugh Paton came across this this spray in his garden shed during a clearout and wondered if he should send it on to Mr B Johnson of Number 10 Downing Street.

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: Poo pooing the Paras

Author Deedee Cuddihy spotted this cheering sign in the window of a tenement on Duke Street, across from a bus stop. It’s always nice to be complimented, though some ungrateful wretches may prefer flattery from a person rather than a pane of glass.

Author Deedee Cuddihy spotted this cheering sign in the window of a tenement on Duke Street, across from a bus stop. It’s always nice to be complimented, though some ungrateful wretches may prefer flattery from a person rather than a pane of glass.

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: The LibDems' couple of swells

Ken McLean from Denny points out that most hunting estates shoot deer, but the Lochs Estate in Glen Lyon seem to have a different prey on offer…

Ken McLean from Denny points out that most hunting estates shoot deer, but the Lochs Estate in Glen Lyon seem to have a different prey on offer…

Ken Smiths Diary

How Les McKeown and the Bay City Rollers helped the Ramones and punk

Continuing with the theme of toilets introduced by David Donaldson in today’s Diary…. Reader Bill Arnold spotted this picture-perfect loo, which should probably be filed under the name: “Bombs away…”

Continuing with the theme of toilets introduced by David Donaldson in today’s Diary…. Reader Bill Arnold spotted this picture-perfect loo, which should probably be filed under the name: “Bombs away…”

Ken Smiths Diary

The Diary: Jack-in-the-box tale

Panicked writer Deedee Cuddihy thought she’d spotted on the streets of Glasgow a weapon of mass destruction sent by the Group of Twelve nations. But (whew!) it merely turned out to be a motor car.

Panicked writer Deedee Cuddihy thought she’d spotted on the streets of Glasgow a weapon of mass destruction sent by the Group of Twelve nations. But (whew!) it merely turned out to be a motor car.

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: Sir Ian McKellen and the Rab C connection

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: Muriel Gray on Line of Duty

Deedee Cuddihy spotted this notice in the window of a shop on Glasgow’s Crow Road that is being spruced up and turned into an ice-cream parlour. Clearly they’ll be providing fruity sauce with everything.

Deedee Cuddihy spotted this notice in the window of a shop on Glasgow’s Crow Road that is being spruced up and turned into an ice-cream parlour. Clearly they’ll be providing fruity sauce with everything.

Ken Smiths Diary

1

Herald Diary: Happy 50th birthday Mr David Tennant

Hugh Peebles spotted this van which clearly shouldn’t be messed with.

Hugh Peebles spotted this van which clearly shouldn’t be messed with.

Ken Smiths Diary

1

How Prince Philip helped kickstart the political career of Dennis Canavan

Ian Rankin finds erotic scenes in his novels ‘toe-curling’

Ian Rankin finds erotic scenes in his novels ‘toe-curling’

Ken Smiths Diary

Herald Diary: An embarrassment of comic riches

Reader Harold Davidson wonders if this is a place name, or an impertinent pronouncement that people over the age of fifty aren’t as attractive as they once were, and should stop partying so hard.

Reader Harold Davidson wonders if this is a place name, or an impertinent pronouncement that people over the age of fifty aren’t as attractive as they once were, and should stop partying so hard.

Ken Smiths Diary

The Diary: A wheely silly story

Mark Atkinson spotted this street in the States and says it’s the ideal place to saunter for those who don’t like to compromise

Mark Atkinson spotted this street in the States and says it’s the ideal place to saunter for those who don’t like to compromise

Ken Smiths Diary

1

Herald Diary: The schoolgirl who was lost in translation