ON a recent trip to the supermarket, I heard an unusual, high-pitched noise periodically emanating from one of the adjacent aisles during the 10 minutes I spent inside the freezer door in the fish fingers section trying to recover from the inferno outside.

Only when I tapered down to the refrigerated aisle and used muscle memory to lurch at a tub of Lurpak did I realise what the noise was, as I gave out an involuntary shriek at the sight of the £6.50 pricetag.

Now spare a though for Rishi Sunak and Liz Truss. As they attempt to butter up their colleagues aboard the Conservative Party mothership, one of them is going to be unfortunate enough to win the Tory leadership contest and become Prime Minister come September.

After their predecessor cheapened the role to such an extent during two years or so in the cockpit, it’s a premiership that’s become more Poundland than Waitrose these days. Add in a cost-of-living crisis to rival the ration books our grandparents recalled with such gusto, and it’ll be a turbulent gig for whoever manages to crack the antlers of their rival in this blue-on-blue stag fight.

While Boris Johnson was out pretending to be Maverick’s wing man Goose from the Tom Cruise classic Top Gun, the MIA-man-in-temporary-charge remains instead every bit the lame duck PM. In his own cinematic mind, he’s a chiselled Arnie in Terminator II, cocking his shotgun with the immortal line “hasta la vista, baby”. To you and me it’s more Elmer Fudd hunting wabbits.

So that’s the question for Celtic and Rangers: Are you Top Guns or are you Fudds? The big dogs of Scottish football may both return to the cream of European football this season; hasta la vista, indeed. But do their current squads belong there? You could argue Rangers, who have two qualifying rounds to negotiate starting with Belgian minnows Union Saint-Gilloise in just over a week’s time, proved that they do with their remarkable run to the Europa League final last season. Celtic, too, will feel unfortunate that the qualification process was so arduous during their near-decade of dominance on the domestic front, restricting their seat at the top table too often.

Both clubs, however, have been shopping in the bargain aisles for well over a decade now. The cost-of-living crisis they’ve been enduring for most of this century has become a reality for both clubs (OK, one continued to spend like it was 1997 and failed to keep the bailiffs from the door).

When Rangers did go to the wall in 2012, many of a Celtic persuasion felt it was the right time to loosen the purse strings again and build a hegemony in Scotland. As it happened, the ever-shrewd Peter Lawwell hired from within with Neil Lennon, before the hitherto unheard-of Ronny Deila took over. Only the shock of losing a Scottish Cup semi-final to Championship Rangers in 2016 got the Parkhead board members twitching their curtains enough at their neighbours’ apparent revival that they went for broke with Brendan Rodgers.

 

27/01/18 LADBROKES PREMIERSHIP.CELTIC v HIBERNIAN (1-0).CELTIC PARK - GLASGOW.Hibernian head coach Neil Lennon with Celtic manager Brendan Rodgers (right).

27/01/18 LADBROKES PREMIERSHIP.CELTIC v HIBERNIAN (1-0).CELTIC PARK - GLASGOW.Hibernian head coach Neil Lennon with Celtic manager Brendan Rodgers (right).

 

The Northern Irishman parked nine in a row and the best part of a triple treble in the Parkhead driveway like a collection of sports cars and a six-man hot tub before Lennon finished the job in his second spell with another treble.

 

 File photo dated 19-05-2018 of Celtic manager Brendan Rodgers poses with the three trophies during the parade at Celtic Park, Glasgow. PRESS ASSOCIATION Photo. Issue date: Tuesday February 26, 2019. Celtic have given Brendan Rodgers permission to speak

File photo dated 19-05-2018 of Celtic manager Brendan Rodgers poses with the three trophies during the parade at Celtic Park, Glasgow. PRESS ASSOCIATION Photo. Issue date: Tuesday February 26, 2019. Celtic have given Brendan Rodgers permission to speak

 

In Lennon’s first period in charge, Celtic bought Virgil van Dijk for £2.6m from Dutch side Groningen. He was sold to Southampton for £13m with a sell-on clause. He was subsequently sold to Liverpool for a then world record £75m for a defender.

 

Virgil Van Dijk walks off at full-time

Virgil Van Dijk walks off at full-time

 

And the perfect player-development model for the club was laid bare for all to see (including jealous neighbours Rangers). Cue Moussa Dembele, Stuart Armstrong, Kieran Tierney, Jeremie Frimpong, Odsonne Edouard, Kristoffer Ajer and Ryan Christie and the best part of £90m has trundled into the Parkhead coffers in the last four years in player sales alone.

 

Former Celtic defender Kieran Tierney

Former Celtic defender Kieran Tierney

 

Yet, you’ll still not hear of potential signings even matching the £9m Rodgers managed to convince the board to pay for Edouard from PSG following a successful loan spell. That speculation in the market paid some dividends in the end, with the Frenchman joining Crystal Palace for £14m having contributed greatly during his four years in Glasgow. But, in part because of complications to do with the pandemic, that sale never reached the heights expected of the France Under-21 star. It was a gamble that just about paid off, and a warning of overspending on quality goods.

After the horrors of 2012, Rangers spent a long time attempting to polish rough gems in the hope of emulating their rivals’ success in the market, and with very limited success the club ultimately operated at a loss in this department under Mark Warburton and Pedro Caixinha. The arrival of Steven Gerrard, much like his former Liverpool manager Rodgers at Parkhead, altered the playing field. The first significant sale was academy graduate Nathan Patterson’s £12.6m move to Everton.

 

Former Rangers full-back Nathan Patterson

Former Rangers full-back Nathan Patterson

 

This summer, the £6m deal for Joe Aribo to Southampton and the club-record £20m transfer of Calvin Bassey to Ajax marks a move into a different league for Rangers. Will it be the Champions League this season?

 

Calvin Bassey

Calvin Bassey

 

Like Celtic, fans can’t get ahead of themselves and expect record fees spent on new arrivals. Manager Giovanni van Bronckhorst signing defender Ben Davies from Liverpool, striker Antonio Colak from PAOK, and Rabbi Matondo from Schalke for less than £10m in total is a mark of their new measured approach to the transfer market. Celtic, likewise, have continued to show great restraint and Ange Postecoglou’s eye for a bargain was instrumental in securing the title last season and guaranteeing Champions league football this year.

If fans can continue to settle for the Danepak option and accept the churn of this development policy, they may find that their clubs continue to milk the Champions League for all it’s worth.