WATCHING the London marathon from the comfort of my sofa isn’t really in my character. I could justify it if I had got in from a 3-hour bike ride, but while they were running 26.2 miles last Sunday my main challenge was simply making it from my bed to the sofa in one piece.
I won’t lie - this is driving me nuts now. But just when feeling so weak and unwell was wearing me down, I saw Hayley Carruthers running her final metres along the mall.
Clearly fighting with every last step to cross that line before her legs gave way, she was veering all the place. She wasn’t even a metre from the finish when she collapsed. But still she somehow found something more to drag herself across the finish line before passing out. What a gladiator.
But what made it even more moving for me is the fact that she works in her spare time as an NHS radiographer. And she was back in work on Monday after running the race of her life, to then help others like me in their own challenges of radiotherapy.
I was sitting there watching, wondering what her thoughts were as she came up the Mall, and how much strength she gets from the job that she does. In my eyes, she is a true inspiration and role model.
Mathematicians say that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line and I guess the winner is the person who crosses the line first. However life is anything but a straight line, even if today’s world makes us feel this way.
It isn’t just about picking a destination and trying to get from one point to the other as fast as you can. It is about savouring the journey, living in the moment. It is more like a curve with different points presenting different obstacles to tackle, experiences to be experienced, and lessons to be learned.
Exposing your mind and body in training to new levels of suffering builds a resilience, so when it comes to a race you know what it feels like. It allows you to resist the conversation of quitting and allows you to push to some very dark places. Hayley clearly has that ability and it was extremely inspiring for me as I sit on my sofa thinking how am I going to get back to that level again.
I decided it was time to freshen up, and a trip to the barbers for a haircut. I hear you, it’s not that big a deal. But it was a huge step for me as I have become very comfortable on my sofa. I have watched eight seasons of Game of Thrones in the last two weeks.
Getting a trim has become a big day out for me and I am happy to say it went well, certainly better than Wednesday when I discovered that the nurse gave me a huge box of laxido for a reason. I will spare you the details as you might be reading this over breakfast, but it was one of the most horrendous hours of my life yet.
It’s emotionally difficult navigating central London with my injures. I have the voice in my head trying to plant seeds of doubt. I feel frustration and want to cry somedays. But I don’t beat myself up for feeling this now, I just accept it.
I think of all the times I have sat been diagnosed to all the times I have sat in the start gate and it reminds me how lucky I am to be alive. You might find it strange but I want to feel what Hayley felt on the Mall last Sunday. Every day that passes is one day closer to feeling that again.
Whether you believe you can do something, or that you can’t, you are usually correct: self-belief is extremely important in sport and in life. No matter what goal you set yourself if you do not believe in yourself the chance of you reaching that goal is highly unlikely.
Not everyone has that deep inner belief that you can achieve anything you put your mind to. At the moment it feels like it’s the only thing that is going to get me through this.
Life isn’t a straight line, I see it more as a circle; one that is only complete when both ends connect. The parts in between is where we get to live. You only get one chance to live. So look at yourself in the mirror today and ask yourself are you living your life to the fullest. If your circle was about to connect what would you go out and do?
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