THE following story is absolutely true.

When Alan Pardew was manager of West Ham United a few years back now, he and his coaching staff were having dinner on a Friday night before a game and, when the food arrived, the bold Pards decided that one of his minions’ plates looked better than what he had ordered and so he took the guy’s meal.

“When you’re the King, you can do anything,” was Pardew’s explanation to the astonished onlookers.

Do you want to know why we can be sure this jaw-dropping tale is accurate? Because it was in an authorised book written by a man called Steve Bacon who was the West Ham official photographer for 35 years about his time at the club.

Bacon, something of a cult hero with the Hammers fans, let it be known that of the many people he had come across throughout the years, Pardew was his least favourite.

“I don’t think I’ve ever known a more arrogant person in my life,” Bacon wrote. “There was one occasion when I threatened to stick a fork in his hand. I was sort of joking, but there were definitely times when I felt like swinging at him. Or telling him to fork off, if you follow my drift.”

Steve, mate, we follow your drift.

The next story, I believe, is probably true.

Some time ago, A Fleet Street sports writer hosted a house party for those and such as those and a room was converted into VIP section. Yep, you read that right.

Behind the cord which kept the plebs and beautiful people apart, sat just one guy on his own looking all smug.

You’ve guessed it. Alan Pardew.

I worked in Newcastle when he was manager there and the stories which emerged from the club about the guy’s ego were quite incredible.

Pardew is the type who would join the navy so the rest of the world could see him.

He banned my newspaper for a story I’d written - I was ever so proud - and tried to blame the subsequent critical coverage of the team, which teetered towards relegation before saving themselves on the penultimate weekend of the season, for the dreadful performances and results.

I was there when he head-butted Hull City’s David Myler, on the day he corrected a journalist who spoke of St James’s Park when, in fact, it was the “Sports Direct Arena” and when he put himself forward to be the England manager one day when his name was on nobody’s wish list.

In saying all of this, even the players who fell out with him, the former Scotland international Don Hutchison had a particularly bad relationship with his manager at West Ham, praised his coaching.

Hutchison told me that on the training ground, there were few better than Pardew.

But he’s no Rangers manager – it was reported “tentative contact” had been made towards his representatives from Ibrox - and surely even this club which has a quite astonishing record in recent times of getting things just plain wrong will do some due diligence and look elsewhere.

Pardew is far too thin skinned. If he thought Newcastle was bad, and he did, what is he going to make of Glasgow? Oh, and he had a hopeless record in the North East derby.

Although it would be quite Rangersy if they did go for Pardew.

Just the other day I asked someone whose nose is bluer than most when he believed the last time Rangers got a big decision right. He reckoned it was bringing back Walter Smith in January, 2017 and he’s no huge fan of the former manager.

Pardew would be a mistake and, personally, I don’t think it was ever really a goer. Indeed, I believe Derek McInnes will be manager of Rangers soon enough and while he offers no guarantee of success, this would be a correct decision. At last.

Such deals are rarely if ever simple but whatever Aberdeen want in terms of compensation, Rangers should pay.

Rangers erred when they should have gone for McInnes last time and so if they fail to get their man, or go for someone else, it would feel as if they were trolling their own supporters.

But if Pedro Caixinha could convince them he was the answer, anyone with an ego can.

AND ANOTHER THING

I HAD quite forgotten about Michael Kelly, the former Celtic director whose record as club custodian was, shall we say, patchy.

A Twitter feud erupted with Glasgow’s former Lord Provost when he told Celtic fans: “It’s not your Club (sic) any more. Its (sic) owned by a foreign based billionaire. You don’t even know the present never mind the history.”

If only Kelly and his gang could have held on. Celtic would be playing at Cambuslang having made billions from the bowling alley that was to be put in. Right...

Kelly, I am led to believe, is not happy with the way he has been written out of Celtic history.