UP, down, yawn. Up, down, yawn. Up, down, yawn. Leg raises, those incremental steps back to a fully functional knee, are, I’ve decided mind-numbingly boring. I didn’t realise it at the time because I was too caught up in my rehab, but, they are. Not that everyone is sympathetic to a footballer in rehab mode, mind you.
The other day I was walking lengths in the swimming pool at my local gym when two stony-faced old dears approached me and one of them said: “Do you never go for a swim, son?” I suppose that’s Lanarkshire for you, though. I told them I’d had surgery on my knee and I needed to get it moving again and after that they thawed a wee bit and they wished me well. They must have brought good luck.
They say bad news comes in threes but apparently good news does, too. Well, if you discount the nick my knee is in, that is.
On Wednesday, I found out I had passed my Uefa A Licence exams. It was a big relief, because I was starting to panic that I had failed. Some of the other guys on the course heard before me that they had got theirs and that had made me paranoid I hadn’t.
When the email came in to tell me I had passed I was chuffed. It was a bigger commitment than I expected it to be.
I had to submit a new piece every month and me being me I used to leave a lot of it to the last minute. I’d find myself counting the minutes until the kids went to bed and I was sitting up to midnight or one in the morning so I could finish off things like pre-season training programmes, my CV, a cover letter or a scouting report – that kind of thing.
It’s not that long ago that I said I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do when my playing career came to an end. Doing my coaching badges was just one of those things everybody said I should do and so I did. I don’t suppose it ever occurred to me that I might be setting myself up for the next stage in my life but then I didn’t know there was an anterior cruciate ligament and posterior cruciate ligament injury just around the corner either.
In any case, after a while I realised I was really starting to enjoy the coaching side of things. I suppose it is good preparation for what might come next. Well, it’s actually very good preparation for what’s on the immediate horizon.
Last week I agreed a deal with St Mirren that takes me through to next year; Jack Ross wants me to compile scouting reports on opposition teams, academy players and any possible loan signings he might be interested in. I’ll be like a third set of eyes for him and his assistant, James Fowler, although I’ve already told him that if he wants me to go all the way up to Inverness with this knee he can forget it.
A couple of weeks back I got my brace off and I started back on the bike and cross trainer in the gym. I’ve gone back to St Mirren and seen the physiotherapists, Gav and Rob. My working week is pretty much back to normal but there’s one crucial difference: when I get stripped with the rest of the players they go left out to the training pitch and I go right to the physio room. They have been working on the range my knee can extend to. I’m nearly there but it doesn’t feel as if there is the same rush now the next couple of months have been sorted out.
The third bit of good news is I’m driving again. That means I can help Natalie around the house, I can take Joshua to school and I can drive to training every day. Being around the squad again has made a big difference.
I hadn’t realised at the time how much pressure I was putting myself under when my future was up in the air. St Mirren were signing new players and there was a lot of uncertainty about my position.
I was worried about how I was going to support my family and it wasn’t as if I was going to walk into another job when I couldn’t even walk.
I’ve had to make sacrifices as a footballer. I watched mates go out for a pint when I stayed in. My mum and dad would never stand in my way but there was always a gentle reminder about what I might be giving up so I listened to their advice and sat in a mate’s house or watched TV instead.
It made me disciplined and it’s that discipline that got me through my coaching badge, it’s that single-mindedness that’ll get me through this injury and hopefully keep me in football. In whatever guise that might be.
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