THE advice was short. “You have to have something to get up for in the morning,” was the chorus as I limped into semi-retirement.
My reply was sure. “I have something that gets me up in the morning. It is called my prostate. It also gets me up several times during the night,” I reflected, not realising I was speaking out loud. One, therefore, would have thought that a certain protest in Milngavie would have garnered my support. But the only thing that attracts my support is my impressive hernia.
Walking through the Commune of Milngavie, I encountered those who had set up a petition to keep the public toilets open. They were hardly breaking up the cobblestones to use as ammunition or taunting police with porcine jibes. They were making their case quietly.
It struck me that this is the age of protest and most of that is a good and powerful development. It is wonderful to live in an era where people can publicise their views on fracking, nuclear weapons, Europe, independence, traffic calming, pollution and comfort stations.
But it brings me to the fitba’ punter. There are some who protest over such as the offensive behaviour at football law, racism, bigotry, ticket prices or the way their club is being run. These are the activists: most of them are to be admired. Most of us (well, me anyway) are content to moan from the sidelines, our views being lost in the commotion of the snug bar or swamped in the tide of Twitter. Indeed, some of us have become so non-protest that they make Gandhi look like a refugee from the Red Brigade with a very bad abscess on his tooth. The scenes in Portugal where we put the might of Gibraltar to the sword were extraordinary. Gordon Strachan and his troops were cheered so loudly that one speculated feverishly about their fate if they had reached the play-offs. A statue of Wee Gordon in George Square with a red bollard on top to give due Glesca reverence to the ginger genius? An open-top bus procession around Hampden with rose petals being thrown under the wheels?
This heartfelt gratitude of finishing fourth in a qualifying group is a minor phenomenon. But more glaring is the absence of any concerted protest by fans over the scandals at FIFA and UEFA. There seems to be no vehicle to transport those fans who want to see radical and enduring change in the way the game is run. There is, instead, a worldwide shrug, a chorus of ‘they are all corrupt and what do you expect?” and a determination to plough our hard-earned into the game through attendance or buying merchandise.
The implosion of FIFA, in particular, will have a profound effect on clubs, however. The major clubs have always regarded the world’s governing body at best as a pest and, at worst, as a diabolical wheeze to deprive them of players and money. Clubs believe that if FIFA falls – an inevitable eventuality – then there will be the biggest boom in business opportunities since the end of Prohibition. UEFA, a profoundly flawed organisation, could subsequently be moulded by the clubs and regulations would offer a freer market to the big franchises. The spotlight is on the lurid details of FIFA and its office-bearers but behind the scenes there are those in clubs all over Europe who are coming up with a strategy that brings a business that generates billions more into the hands of those whose product creates that dosh. It is impossible to state with certainty that the FIFA Christmas dinner will be held in Sing Sing. It is difficult to be precise about the future of Sepp Blatter or Michel Platini, the figureheads at FIFA and UEFA respectively, but they hardly seem to be in line for extended service.
This turmoil leaves a vacuum. The clubs are keen to fill it. They have had enough of paying what they see as exorbitant tribute in cash to what should merely be administrative organisations. European clubs are outraged over the scheduling of the Qatar World Cup. They are, too, increasingly fed up with international football. It disrupts the season, invites fatigue and injury on their employees and offers them little in recompense. They see some worth in major finals, be that the World Cup or European Championships, but believe the top nations need not endure tedious qualification processes that deprive them of players during the season.
One crucial issue is television revenue. FIFA, UEFA and individual football associations have tried to encourage the collective bargaining over such deals.
Many of the bigger clubs see the smashing of this tradition as the Big Bang of football. They want control over their TV revenues in terms of setting the price, negotiating the deal and pocketing all the revenue.
This would be a gamechanger. The present weakness of UEFA and FIFA is there to be exploited. The big clubs know this. They may not be marching in protest on the streets. But they will be plotting in the boardrooms.
Meanwhile, I have a Milngavie toilet petition to sign. Quickly.
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