“What are you going to do about this?”
“Whose fault was it?”
"Are you standing or not?!
“Who used the last of the Touche Eclat eye bag concealer?”
Okay, the last of those inquiries might have been the product of a tired mind and too much cheese on toast, but the rest were genuine questions from the Sunday politics shows.
“Everything’s changed,” said the host of the BBC’s Sunday with Laura Kuenssberg at the top of the hour. But had it?
That depended on where one stood after a general election that ripped through politics like a tornado, picking MPs up and casting them out hither and yon. Those who had landed well on a nice soft haystack were full of cheer; the rest not so much.
The politics shows, like everyone else, were still trying to make sense of it all. On Sky News’ Trevor Phillips on Sunday, the host was swithering between optimism and otherwise.
Speaking of the gracious tributes Rishi Sunak and Sir Keir Starmer had exchanged when departing and arriving in Downing Street, Phillips said: “Perhaps we are on the verge of something we used to prize in politics, civility.”
Who knows, he went on, “I may even persuade someone on this programme to give an answer that actually related to the question I’ve asked. Come on, even journalists can dream.” Had Sir Trevor been at the four-cheese pizza too?
Over on the BBC, Andy Burnham, mayor of Greater Manchester, was interviewed in his garden. The former minister, whose job had not been on the line, was so delighted by Labour’s victory he made the “It’s brilliant!” character from the Fast Show look like Droopy Dog. “It feels already like we are in a new era,” he said.
Read more
Yet in the same interview he called for “a decisive break from austerity” and in particular that the two-child benefit cap be scrapped asap.
This was to be the pattern of the morning, with congratulations being followed by reminders that there was a lot to do and many tough decisions ahead.
Some matters are more pressing than others, such as the fate of thousands of jobs at the Tata steel plant at Port Talbot, which could be decided within days. Jonathan Reynolds, the new Business Secretary, said he and the Prime Minister were talking to the plant’s owners but he would not be drawn on how much the government was willing to spend to save jobs.
Keeping a close eye on that, and much else, was Sharon Graham, the general secretary of Unite and one of Kuenssberg’s panel of commentators alongside the historian Simon Schama and Michael Howard, former Tory leader.
Graham said her job was to be “a critical friend or a pain in the proverbial” to the new government. Given the way she urged ministers to get cracking - “We haven’t got time to wait for growth. People won’t wait for delivery” - it was plain that Sir Keir will be hearing a lot more from her.
It wasn’t all about Labour. Former ministers Victoria Atkins and Robert Jenrick appeared on Kuenssberg’s show to stress how completely uninterested they were in becoming the next Tory leader.
How could anyone think of such a thing at a time like this, they said. It’s not about personalities, they added. Just because they were on telly, and in Jenrick’s case writing a piece in a Sunday paper about the direction of the party, did not mean they were on manoeuvres.
“I honestly don’t think that three days on from the general election, in which we’ve just lost so many of our friends and colleagues, that it is right to have self-indulgent conversations like this,” said Mr Jenrick.
As we say in these parts, aye right.
There was no disguising the continued fighting within the SNP over the disastrous election results. Joanna Cherry and former First Minister Nicola Sturgeon had taken verbal swipes at each other on election night telly. While Ms Sturgeon was busy being a pundit for ITV, Ms Cherry was one of dozens of SNP MPs losing their seats.
If you thought that tussle was brutal you should have seen the rematch. The Ultimate Fighting Championship need to sign this pair pronto.
Appearing on Trevor Phillip’s show, Joanna ‘KO KC” Cherry was not messing around when it came to her former colleague, Nicola “Motorhome” Sturgeon.
“I don’t think you can ever blame a setback like this on one person,” said Ms Cherry. She gave it a blooming good try, though.
“Nicola Sturgeon was a very strong leader who brooked no debate and no dissent, as I know to my considerable cost,” said Ms Cherry, adding that the former FM owed defeated MPs and voters an apology.
Ooft, as UFC commentators never say.
It was a busy morning, with guests shuffled in and out at a fair old clip. You would not have guessed some had been existing on just a few hours’ sleep. All fresh as daisies. Or perhaps not.
“There are a few baggy eyes around the place,” said Martin Geissler on BBC Scotland’s The Sunday Show.
Geissler had a very good Thursday night and Friday morning. Now it was Sunday, and he had changed his look accordingly. Gone was the smart navy suit of election night to be replaced with denim jeans, desert boots, and stripey socks. From James Bond to Liam Gallagher in 72 hours.
His first guest was Anas Sarwar, a member of the cheery crew alongside Andy Burnham. “Hope you weren’t talking about me,” joked the Scottish Labour leader, referring to Geissler’s baggy eyes remark. Not at all, he was told.
It was soon back to interview business as usual, with Geissler trying to pin down Mr Sarwar on any plans he might have for a Scottish visa.
Eventually it was time to let the Scottish Labour leader go. He had a Prime Minister on a whistlestop tour of the UK to meet.
At some point everyone, even Sir Keir Starmer, will have to get some sleep, but until then pass the Touche Eclat, comrade.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here