When Lukas McClish was found by a sniffer dog after ten days lost in the California wilderness he was in quite a state.

Exhausted, hungry, caked in mud, he had survived on berries and rainwater. At one point a mountain lion began tracking him.

Finally, after a bad stumble, Mr McClish curled up in a ball on the forest floor and prayed to the heavens for help.

What a wimp, eh? He should have tried presenting election night coverage on TV. Then he would have something to complain about.

I am glad to say Mr McClish is now home and not planning any more adventures this side of Christmas. One hopes everything turns out just as dandy for another intrepid explorer about to venture into new parts.

There are now just days to go before two very important events take place. One is the general election. The other is Nicola Sturgeon making her debut as a pundit on ITV1’s election night show.

I know, I thought it was a spoof too, but it is true. On July 4, the former First Minister of Scotland will be joining George Osborne and Ed Balls in dispensing wit and wisdom on ITV1 from 9.50pm.

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ITV has issued publicity shots of Ms Sturgeon with Balls, Osborne and head honcho anchorman Tom Bradby. She looks every inch the polished broadcast professional, ready for the fray. Just in case she is having a last minute wobble, Radio Times has helpfully asked a host of other telly types for their tips on how to survive the long, stress-packed night.

Before we get to those, I was intrigued to learn the story behind the Sturgeon signing. It was Bradby’s doing, reveals the Radio Times.

“I thought afer 2019, how do we take it to the next level?” said the anchorman. “Who do we put in there who people would be really interested in watching go from politician to analyst?

“I went up to Scotland and very carefully laid out over lunch how interesting it is to be an analyst and not have to stick to a party line. I think that’s what appealed to her. She’s up for new challenges. She was one of the pre-eminent figures of her generation and she’s looking for the next phase in her life.”

She is also someone who was arrested, questioned and released without charge pending further investigation as part of an ongoing Police Scotland inquiry into SNP finances.

But hey, let us not get hung up on those details as we revisit the thrilling scene where Ms Sturgeon signed on the dotted line. I have questions. For a start, where did they have lunch? Knowing London media types like Bradby, probably not at a garden centre. I note there is no mention of a fee. Presumably Ms Sturgeon’s “people” spoke to ITV’s “people” about that later.

Whatever the details, she’s packing a bag for London and a shift in the ITV studio. So to the advice promised earlier. Not that she needs it, of course. Ms Sturgeon has bobbed and weaved her way through tricky interviews more often than Tom Bradby has turned to the camera and raised a quizzical eyebrow at the latest outrage to cross his path.

If anyone should know how to handle themselves in a hostile environment it is a senior member of the SNP. (I hear they taught the SAS everything they know. Or was that the LibDems?) This time it will be different, though. This time Ms Sturgeon will have crossed the line from politician to pundit. She will be a civilian and they do things differently on Punditry Street. First and last, she must trust no one. No one. Especially the two sitting next to her. Bradby as well.

When she looks around the studio there will be lots of smiling faces. It will be tempting to think everyone is on the same side, one big happy family. Don’t believe it for a second. If she makes a mistake or shows weakness no one is coming to her aid. Sorry to be blunt, but there we are. It’s television, nothing personal.

Punditry is a hard game. It is a buyers’ market, teaming with names and faces hoping to be the next Ed and George, Alastair and Rory. And here is Scotland’s former First Minister, flying solo. Who is going to be her wingman, the Goose to her Maverick? Not Ed or George, that’s for certain.

She needs to watch out, too, for those other smiling assassins, the make-up ladies. They may come across as best friend material but do not be fooled. Let the attention stray for a second and they will be on you with the blue eyeshadow and too much blusher. Then it’s a backcomb that will leave you looking like a woman possessed.

Next, bananas and nuts. Not what you are for agreeing to this gig in the first place, but some dietary suggestions from your fellow broadcasters. There is a hard night of snacking ahead.

Emily MaitlisEmily Maitlis (Image: free)

Not to get too personal, but Ms Sturgeon should also come up with a loo plan. Bradby is no liquids from 5pm to 3am. Emily Maitlis won’t touch Diet Coke till after the halfway point, just in case she gets 20 minutes free for a catnap.

Since this is Ms Sturgeon’s first time as a pundit, I would steer clear of naps and power through. Do not be tempted to shut your eyes even if it is “just for a wee minute”. No one looks good with dried drool on their face.

The next piece of advice might be the most difficult to follow. It’s what Bradby said about how liberating it is to say what you like. No more toeing the party line come what may. That will seem weird. How far does Ms Sturgeon go down that road?

That depends on what she plans to do after election night. Is she done with being a politician? Is the broadcasting game where the future lies? When she comes back up the road maybe she’ll let us know. Till then, best of Scottish for the big night.