Whenever I’m stuck or in doubt, I ask myself what my dear old gran would do. She died long ago, at the end of the last century. And she was born even longer ago, at the beginning of that century.

Suzie was an Edwardian. A teenage suffragette, a fire-fighter during the London Blitz, and a woman made of titanium, though with a heart softer than treacle. She offered unconditional love, tempered by even-handed authority and worldly guidance. You didn’t cross her, but you could always depend on her.

One of her strictures was this: clean up your own mess. If your toys were all over the floor, then you'd better get them packed away or they’d be confiscated. If I got into a fight with some kid and made them cry and their parents knocked the door, well then I was going to go out and apologise if I was in the wrong.

If you cocked up, own up; tell the truth and shame the devil, she’d say.

Suzie hated the notion of anyone suffering for someone else’s wrongs. Carry the can for your own mistakes, that was her motto.

So, I found myself thinking of Suzie when the Conservatives announced their latest policy: National Service, an idea clearly inspired by watching too many repeats of 1970s sitcoms.

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The idea seems to have two intentions: first, young people need "fixed" so a dose of military training or enforced volunteering will sort them out. Secondly, society needs "fixed" and it’s young people who should do the fixing.

Do young people need fixed? Most young people I know are knocking their pan in trying to get decent jobs to earn enough money just to afford their rent. Mortgages - unless they’ve rich mummies and daddies - are distant dreams. They’re saddled with student debt, and about to inherit this bloody mess of a world.

The other young people I know have just been forgotten about. They’re called "the poor", and can only dream of knocking their pan in for a decent job or home.

Unless they’re wealthy, the hopes of the young run on a spectrum from grim to slim. So I don’t really think young people need "fixed". They need an apology.

Now, does society needs fixed? Yes, immediately. Where to start? The NHS, policing, schools, climate, war, polarisation, poverty, the economy. It’s all broken.

But why should young folk - remember it’s 18-year-olds who’ll be forced into National Service - be made to fix this mess? They didn’t make it. We did.

Just look at my generation. I’m in my early 50s - the last of the "full grant" kids. It cost me nothing to attend one of the country’s best universities. Yes, I entered the job market in the recession of the early 1990s and that wasn’t fun, but soon we were all living lives of endless credit - decadently fuelling the disaster which was about to explode into the financial crisis of 2008.

I inherited a world of peace: it was Good Friday in Northern Ireland, and walls tumbling down in Berlin. Where did that peace dividend go? I tell you this: it wasn’t squandered by some 18-year-old.

Folk of my age are the parents of the kids whom the Tories want for National Service. What parent of any decency would ask their child to clear up their mess?

Perhaps more ire should be reserved for the grandparents of today’s younger generation. If GenerationX - my lot - had it good, the Baby Boomers had it all. Clearly, plenty of folk in their 70s aren’t living the life of Reilly, but to kids today, that post-war generation had a ball: full employment, free education, and free love. Lucky old hippies.

Again, stereotypes are awful (though don’t we brazenly stereotype kids ourselves?), but broadly, the baby boomer generation voted for Brexit and smashed opportunity for their own grandchildren. And we expect those grandchildren to clean up granny and grandad’s messes?

The Herald: Rishi Sunak on the election trailRishi Sunak on the election trail (Image: PA)

All kids have seen is the ladder disappear. That’s pretty sick; pretty cruel.

I reckon the folk who should be in line for a spot of conscription is anyone aged 45 to 75. Let’s get slothful GenerationX and selfish Boomers into the army, or enlisted into volunteer work for the NHS. It’s only fair. We broke it, we should fix it. No?

We should have additional cohorts too. Every commentator - regardless of age - who thinks National Service a great idea should be immediately signed up for the Army. If you don’t have children, but you’ve been squawking about "how kids these days need a taste of military discipline", then off you go to boot camp.

The gods of logic and wisdom will hate me for this, but let’s say, just for the purposes of discussion, that the Tories win this election and pass their idiot National Service bill. If that happens, the first kids enrolled into the Army should be the offspring of every member of the Tory Party, from the blue rinse and yellow trousers brigade to the front bench.

Lead by example, Rishi. That was another one of my gran’s beliefs. One has a feeling, though, rich kids might somehow miraculously find a way of "dodging the draft".

If this disgrace of a government really did want to help kids and society, then rather than this dim-witted policy, why not make it easier for young people to volunteer? Pay kids a liveable grant for a year and let them - if they want - help in the NHS, or in their local parks, or homeless shelters, or care homes. Maybe that volunteering could be used to knock a few thousand quid off student debt upon graduation?

However, the National Service plan does indeed reflect Tory values: it’s a policy dreamed up by a bunch of selfish fools who broke the country, don’t know how to fix the disaster they’ve made, and want someone else - who’s weaker than them - to do all the hard work.

My gran would have taken Rishi Sunak by the ear, dragged him to the army recruitment office, and waited until he signed his enlistment papers. That would teach the new buck private everything his own family clearly didn’t instil in him when it comes to civic duty.