IT was Walkout Wednesday, biggest day of industrial action in a decade, but at Prime Minister’s Questions Labour leader Keir Starmer didn’t fancy getting down and dirty with the revolting proles.

Instead, he continued last week’s attack on Tory sleaze, blaming everything on “weak” Rishi Sunak. Yep, that was the weak that was. Mind you, the PM looked a right geek in his specs. Weak geek or no, he and Sir Keir really laid into each other in the British tradition of brutal democratic debate.

The Labour man said Rishi’s recent emergence from “hibernation” had raised “more questions than answers”. First question: did former Tory Party chair Nadhim Zahawi tell officials he was under investigation by “the taxman” (bit sexist) before or after his appointment to the Cabinet?

What did Rishi say he’d taken on learning about this, readers? Correct: “action”. Half-hearted yay.

Westminister Sketch: Bard day at the office as PM and Sir Keir suffer severe Burns

“Oh, come on!” ululated Sir K. Anyone picking up a newspaper last July would’ve known Zahawi was under investigation. See, always buy a paper, folks. Having failed to do so, Mr Sunak’s defence, said Mr Starmer, was: “Nobody told me. I didn’t know. I didn’t ask any questions.” Sounds fair enough.

Mr Sunak riposted that, if the Honourable Swine opposite was “so concerned about behaviour in public life”, what about one of his MPs (Rosie Duffield) saying that being in his party was like living in an abusive relationship?

That was Sir K’s cue to change focus to Deputy Prime Minister Dominic Raab allegedly making officials feel physically sick and even suicidal with his bullying. This had only happened, said Keir, “because the man at the top was” – all together now – “too weak to do anything about it”.

Rishi flapped back, noting the Labour leader’s recently admission that hate had spread unchallenged in Labour under his predecessor, Jeremy Corbyn. Keir sat next to him for four years but now acted “as if he wasn't even there”.

This, said Rishi, was “typical of him: declining to lead, sitting on the fence, carping from the sidelines”. Crivvens, he sounds right busy.

At least the PM’s predecessor, Boris Johnson, hadn’t gone around “pretending he was a paragon of integrity and accountability”, said Sir Keir. No, thank goodness.

The Labour man noted the “coincidence” that two people allegedly involved in arranging £800,000 of credit for Boris had both been shortlisted for “plum jobs at the BBC and the British Council”.

The PM bleated back powerfully that the process to appoint a BBC chairman had been – all together now – “rigorous”, before moving into his comfort zone and averring that, while Sir K stood with extremist climate protesters and union bosses, the Tories stood with persecuted minorities such as “hard working Britons”.

Hard working Britons struggle to understand the Scottish Nationalists’ unionist position on Europe: rejecting one union where power lies in a distant foreign capital, and representative Scottish voices are a minority, in favour of another union where power lies in a more distant foreign capital, and representative Scottish voices are even more of a minority.

In a week that saw leading Euro-loon Guy Verhofstadt blame Brexit for Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, Stephen Flynn drew unwanted cheers on noting it was the Big B’s third anniversary. The SNP’s Westminster leader retorted: “They will not be cheering in a moment.” No, snoring probably.

Since Big B, said Stephen, the UK economy had lost £100bn a year and was expected to be the worst performing advanced nation.

Quoth the Flynnster: “As the Brexit ship sinks, with the Pryme (as he pronounces it) Minister and Leader of the Opposition at the helm, does he blame those Scots who want to jump aboard an independent lifeboat?”

Crikey, oilskins akimbo, folks.

Mr Sunak said Britain’s economic problems were “nothing to do with Brexit”, and advised Stephen that, rather than obsess about constitutional arrangements, he should “focus on delivering for the people of Scotland. That’s what I will do.” Oh, please don’t.

Westminster Sketch: Westminster triggered as Flynn flays PM for ‘stoking culture war’

Mind you, Stephen must know that, after coming out of Union with Mother England, every problem in Scotland will be blamed on independence. Politics: double-edged swords everywhere.

Claymore in one hand and steak bake in the other, Mr Flynn’s predecessor, Ian Blackford, rose to loud, friendly cheers. The portly Old Pretender thanked everyone, before raising a subject dear to his heart: “Food prices,” he complained, “are rising at a record rate.”

“Aw,” said the PM indulgently, “it’s wonderful to hear from the Right Honourable Gentleman.” And so it was. How we miss his mock jousts with Boris: two secret lovers pretending to lay into each other in the British tradition of brutal democratic debate.