A TIRESOME slew of obloquy ensued last week when The Herald shed light on the responsibilities of Scotland’s recently-appointed Minister for Independence, Jamie Hepburn.
A Freedom of Information request revealed that Mr Hepburn, who received a £32k salary boost for his ministerial upgrade, has no specific budget, only one member of staff, and has held only one ministerial meeting in connection with his grand new title.
I feel, however, that these critics are lacking in imagination and missing the point. Mr Hepburn fills one of 28 Cabinet and ministerial posts in Humza Yousaf’s government and it would seem strange if such a swollen executive didn’t have someone who was keeping a beady eye on constitutional matters.
Besides, I like the idea of giving as many MSPs as possible some kind of ministerial brief. It conveys the idea that you’re taking things seriously even when you’re not. Isn’t this part of modern politics where the optics are considered to be crucial?
And why stop at 28? I’d be in favour of creating brave new ministerial departments for all of the governing party’s MSPs. It would say to the world that in Scotland we expect every elected member to gain expertise in some area, even if it doesn’t immediately pertain directly to Scotland.
Mr Hepburn’s appointment shows that the party is at least keeping a light on for Scottish independence, no matter how remote that possibility may currently be.
I’d also have a Minister for the World Cup. We all know that Scotland winning the World Cup is about as likely as securing independence. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be prepared if it were ever to happen.
And could we have a Minister for Bears? Large parts of the Highlands were once hoaching with the big chaps and their reintroduction would boost tourism no end.
They would also provide a wee Brucie Bonus in menacing the pestilent Munro-bagging community. Their endless jouking up and down our most beautiful wild spaces must affect the mental health of all those native species which had been living peacefully there for millennia before the invasion of the backpackers started.
I’d also have a Minister for Mars, just in case we get to colonise the Red Planet and need to claim a bit of it for Scotland. And how about a Minister for the Apocalypse because, well … you never know the minute.
Indy crusade
A DEAR friend of this column has provided me with a reminder that Scotland’s quest for independence is indeed a sacred one. It follows the disappointment I expressed last week in the low-calibre approach of the National Museum of Scotland to exhibiting the Declaration of Arbroath.
In pre-Reformation Scotland, the Catholic Church played a significant role in the Wars of Independence and in drafting the Declaration of Arbroath. In those days, the Pope was the final arbiter of a country’s self-determination. Since then, the Vatican is one of only two major global authorities which continue to respect Scotland’s own unique voice.
The other one is Fifa which permits Scotland to compete as a sovereign nation in the world’s most socially and culturally important sport.
I would commend both of these organisations to Jamie Hepburn and suggest that he undertake diplomatic missions to Rome and Switzerland in the very near future for the purposes of reinforcing Scotland’s cultural ties to both.
Claim to fame
OF COURSE, the small-minded among us would gather to shake their fists at such diplomatic undertakings should Mr Hepburn take my advice and rekindle our ancient links with the Pope and football.
Think of the cost of these trips, they’ll say.
At least it won’t come anywhere the legendary expense claims of Ernest Hemingway.
Hemingway
Napier University’s Professor Eamonn O’Neill, who is researching a new book about the great American writer, tells me that among the papers he discovered in the JFK Museum’s Hemingway collection was an expenses claim filed in 1944 for £13k
– amounting to more than £100k in today’s money.
It seems Hemingway had a falling-out with bosses at the magazine for which he was providing war copy, and decided to claim for everything that moved and had its being in his immediate environment.
This is another reason why many journalists consider Hemingway to be their unofficial patron saint.
Rise to the occasion
TO baking matters and a tale of which Mr Hemingway, inset, a noted bon viveur, would have approved in this week’s New Yorker magazine.
Hannah Goldfield, in her splendid restaurant review, adds an eye-watering postscript featuring a “sex-positive” bakery called Sugar Wood. This, according to Ms Goldfield, specialises in “waffles shaped like human genitalia, complete with icing as body fluid”.
I feel sure that Greggs, our own national patisserie, might rise to this challenge and attempt something similarly bold with its world-famous steak bakes, big softies and sundry others of its kenspeckle treats.
In these progressive times it behoves us all to embrace enlightened and challenging concepts.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel