Taken Tuesday

WHILE most of the SNP went into meltdown on Tuesday with the arrest of then treasurer Colin Beattie, one Nat MSP kept their head. In a bravura display of Nothing-to-see-hereism, Perthshire South’s Jim Fairlie told Newsnight it had been a “very positive” day given Humza Yousaf’s policy reset. He then added sheepishly: “Of course, having one of our colleagues arrested has been difficult... but there have been no charges brought.” Well, that’s all fine then.

Glass houses

THE polis are looking into an SNP fundraising drive that raised more than £660,000. How it got that much is miraculous given Mr Beattie’s record. In a startlingly tone-deaf video appeal for the 2016 Holyrood election, the Musselburgh MSP begged punters to crowdfund his campaign. “The SNP is not funded by big businesses or the trade unions,” he whined. “We rely on the people of Scotland for all the money that we raise, and I’m asking you to fund us today.” He failed to reach his target. Perhaps because the former financier shot the video clip in the swanky elevated conservatory on the side of his A-listed Georgian mansion. 

Mair money

ALTHOUGH Mr Beattie’s can-rattling skills may not be the best, Mr Yousaf’s may turn out to be excellent - just not for the SNP. At least, that's the theory of Scottish Tory treasurer Hamish Mair. His report to next week’s party conference in Glasgow predicts: “The self-precipitated demise of Nicola Sturgeon and her replacement by the unaccomplished Humza Yousaf is likely to be beneficial to our finances.” Ouch.

The Kate Escape

MR Beattie’s arrest rained on Humza Yousaf’s big day at Holyrood, where he seemed to spend most of his time giving jaw-dropping quotes in media scrums. Quizzed on whether it had been smarter to lose, his SNP leadership rivals, Ash Regan and Kate Forbes, were remarkably restrained. “I’m looking forward to hearing what the First Minister’s going to say about tackling poverty, growing the economy and supporting our public sector,” Ms Forbes chirped when asked if she’d dodged a bullet. Only the scale of her grin gave her away.

Dial emergency

THE sense of the surreal was heightened by Keith Brown striding past the press pack clutching a boxed Iridium Extreme satellite phone. Luckily for the SNP deputy leader, the model is “shock resistant” and offers a “one-touch SOS”, qualities vital in a crisis. Rather more ominously for the party, as one wag pointed out, Iridium is the super rare metal that led scientists to conclude an asteroid wiped out the dinosaurs. Is another extinction level event at hand, we wonder?

Viva La Riesling!

FORMER cabinet secretary Fergus Ewing is loving his freedom from collective responsibility to savage the Scottish Greens these days. At Thursday's FMQs he gleefully labelled them Holyrood's “wine bar revolutionaries”, while wondering if there would be any wine bars left after the bungled deposit return scheme was done. However Green spirits were undimmed, Unspun can report. Leaving the chamber at lunch, Patrick Harvie was asked if he was indeed off to a wine bar. The Green minister, who is not averse to a cheeky Sauvignon Blanc, smiled. “It’s a little early - even for me.”