Flexible fiend
WE knew Douglas ‘Rubberman’ Ross was flexible when it came to Boris Johnson’s survival, but it seems the Scottish Tory leader has even more elastic principles than we thought. After the Sue Gray report was published in all its gory detail, Sky News stuck a camera in the Moray MP’s spherical face so he could hedge his bets all over again. The channel also badged him as “Scottish Labour leader Douglas Ross”. Is there a new posting in the offing? Rumours now abound at Holyrood of an ingenious SNP plot to give Scottish Labour a boss as hapless as the Scottish Tories.
Sparkling whine
THE Scottish Liberal Democrats have been toasting their success in the council elections. Well, we say success. They gained 20 seats to get 87. In 2007 they had 166. It’s all relative. But the bash at Edinburgh’s Haymarket Bar was certainly the real thing. The pub ran out of Prosecco after activists drank the lot. How very LibDem. Leader Alex Cole-Hamilton even tried to buy a display bottle, but was refused on the grounds that customers wouldn’t know they could buy Prosecco if it wasn’t on show. We hear he tried to explain the logical flaw of this in a Prosecco-free pub, but was apparently too intensely relaxed to convince the staff.
Driving farce
ANAS Sarwar wound up John Swinney mightily at FMQs on Thursday by contrasting the easy access ministers have to 28 chauffeur-driven government cars during the ScotRail dispute. Might it be time to hand over the keys until ordinary folks have a proper rail service again, the Scottish Labour leader asked. However his own expenses suggest ministers are not the only ones keeping cosy in their rides. Mr Sarwar wracked up the biggest bill for motor miles last year of any Glasgow MSP, charging taxpayers £2268 for his drive to and from work. Vroom, Vroom!
Clypeherbolic
ADMITTEDLY, Mr Swinney appeared pretty wound up even before Mr Sarwar took a swing. Answering questions from Rubberman Ross abut the dreaded CalMac ferry fiascos, the deputy FM grassed up Dean Lockhart and Murdo Fraser for missing the previous week’s session to watch Rangers in Seville in the Europa League Final. “Unlike some Tory MSPs, you won’t find me skiving off to the football for a few days when the Parliament is sitting,” thundered Mr Swinney, a noted Jambo. Mr Fraser tried to appear unfazed. “He’s just grumpy that Hearts got humped in the Cup Final,” he quipped nonchalantly afterwards. However his face turned a deep Tynecastle maroon when it happened.
Flippin' Eck
SCHADENFREUDE, thy name is Alex Salmond. It’s not been an enjoyable week for the leader of the perpetually unelected Alba party. On Wednesday, his estranged protege overtook him to become Scotland’s longest serving First Minister. Then it emerged the set of his cancelled show on Kremlin-TV was being flogged at auction. The desk that Mr Salmond used to chortle behind each week, complete with his giant signature, was open to bids of £50. No sign of any of the kit used by his Alba colleague and business partner Tasmina Ahmed-Sheikh on the show, however. One of the lots was a stack of fashion magazines and books, including the 2014 classic ‘The Social Climber’s Bible’. But that obviously couldn’t be connected in any way.
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