WHEREVER has that nice new Nicola Sturgeon gone? 

You know, the one who wore a heart as big as a Saltire on her sleeve at the Alex Salmond inquiry, the one whose only sin was to care too much for an old chum in distress (sniff).

The one we got at FMQs wasn’t Holyrood’s Oprah any more. 

The queen of empathy was out, swiftly replaced by the Nicola Sturgeon of old, the First Bulldozer, crusher of Tories. 

The one with rage in her veins and Ref2 Indy on her knuckles. 

This Ms Sturgeon was also inordinately proud of her evidence the day before to the Salmond inquiry, using it brush off pesky questions from Ruth Davidson.

Like why the Government hadn’t conceded its doomed legal fight with the former FM sooner and saved taxpayers a bundle.

Clearly Ms Davidson hadn’t been paying attention to the “lengthy proceedings yesterday”, Ms Sturgeon tutted.

“I answered questions on this for eight hours. I will get on with leading the country through and out of a pandemic. I will leave Ruth Davidson and the Conservatives to play the political games that they seem to prioritise over everything else.”

Or why the Government failed to disclose documents to its own lawyers which just happened to be the ones that sank its case. 

“I say again that I gave eight hours of evidence,” Ms Sturgeon repeated, as if to a child.

“The case ultimately collapsed because information came to light,” she added, explaining zilch. 

Getting miffed, Ms Sturgeon said she wanted to “strike a note of consensus”, then promptly struck Ms Davidson in the ballots.

"By the time I sit down after this session, I will have been subjected to 10 hours of parliamentary scrutiny this week."

That's right. Ten whole hours, you disgusting weaklings.

"In a few weeks, I will also subject myself to the ultimate scrutiny: the scrutiny and the verdict of the people of Scotland. As I do so, Ruth Davidson will be slinking off to the House of Lords."

Baroness Getaway rolled her eyes at this set-piece slagging.

Indeed, Ms Sturgeon talks so much about her opponent's impending flit to the Lords, you wonder if she's secretly jealous.

Oh, for a quiet life warming the red leather at the public’s expense, amassing sinecures and comparing gout with George Foulkes.

'I say, Georgie, did I ever tell you about the time I gave evidence for eight solid hours? Marvel to behold. Should have got an Oscar.'

This week's Scottish Labour leader, Anas Sarwar, tried to rise above the partisan bickering.

"The exchanges that we have just heard represent the worst of our politics," he said, looking pained.

Coming from the bloke who had just replaced Richard Leonard, it was quite a criticism.