Obi-Moran Kenobi

THOSE wondering if the LibDems are a bunch of space cadets after they touted Jo Swinson as the head of a majority government have had their suspicions confirmed. On Radio 4’s Westminster Hour, culture spokesperson Layla Moran revealed her head was indeed in the stars. Asked about politics and religion, the Oxford MP revealed: “I’m not religious particularly. I’m pretty sure I put Jedi on the last census to that question.” The farce is strong with this lot.

Feud dude

THE looming election has awoken the sleeping maniac that is the SNP’s ever-feuding Lanarkshire operation, we hear. One faction, dubbed the ‘Monklands McMafia’, is trying to giftwrap the candidacy in Labour-held Coatbridge for local councillor Jordan James Linden. This week a branch meeting suddenly morphed into a nomination event for ‘JJ’. The item wasn’t on the agenda, but after a quick call with SNP clerk Ian McCann, the convener helpfully decided it should be. Lo and behold, JJ got the branch’s nod. Cue a volcano of bad blood - and the election’s not even called yet!

It’s a family affair

A TELLTALE McMafia trait is treating politics as a family business, with a conveyor belt of husbands, wives, children and siblings ending up as SNP councillors, MSPs and office bearers. If Cllr Linden does bag and win Coatbridge, it could create yet another family bond. The constituency next door, Glasgow East, is held by SNP MP David Linden, JJ’s more accomplished cousin. Talk about keeping it cosy.

Mutch ado about Fergus

ALSO gagging for a candidacy is top SNP spindoctor Fergus Mutch, who is hoping to leave Holyrood and become MP for Gordon. In a statement declaring his intent, he banged on about the current Tory MP there. Curiously, his bio failed to mention his three years working for the last MP for Gordon, one Alex Salmond. Clearly best to gloss over it in Nicola’s Nats these days

Spiegel vent

TALKING of the FM, Ms Sturgeon got an award from the German media on Wednesday as a “voice of reason” on Brexit. Not all the media, mind you. A scathing column in Der Spiegel said it was “a mistake”, as she was “carved from the same wood as Boris Johnson and his Brexit brigade”, a nationalist populist providing Scots “with a victimhood that explains any mishaps with the malignancy of English politics and promises everyone exactly what they want to hear”. We trust she was the voice of reason when she heard that.

Jeane Meanie

HEALTH Secretary Jeane Freeman endured another torrid week over hospital building problems. Besides disrupting patients, it’s also costing a fortune. So how does Derek Mackay feel about the money side of it? “Clearly Jeane Freeman is leading on this issue,” the Finance Secretary told the media. Translation: it’s not my fault!

Utterly beastly

FINALLY, spare a thought for the MSPs in today’s Banchory Beast Race, a 10K obstacle course through mud, muck and freezing water. Liam Kerr, Brian Whittle and Willie Rennie will be down in the dirt. But where, Unspun wondered, is the MSP for Banchory, Tory Alexander Burnett? He tells us he’ll be sponsoring racers, but a bad back means he can’t take part himself. “I’m probably the only MSP to sit on a bouncy ball instead of a chair, which can be discerning to visitors.” Especially if he offers them coffee, we suppose.