Tom Gordon
YOU hear a lot about the attainment gap at FMQs, the stubborn gulf in school results between the children of poor and affluent households.
Nicola Sturgeon has made closing it a top priority, while the opposition have made it their weapon of choice for bashing the government.
Labour’s Kezia Dugdale, in particular, has worked wonders with the issue, converting a one-fact bludgeon into the political equivalent of a Swiss Army knife.
No longer just about school standards, the gap now incorporates absolutely everything.
What are you doing for kids with parents in jail? Ms Dugdale asked. That’s a big attainment gap issue, you know.
And what about children in temporary accommodation? she went on. That’s a gap thing too.
You could see where it was going. SNP weather disrupts playtime? Attainment gap. Child freaked out by Alex Salmond’s giant face? Attainment gap. Indyref2 anxiety? Attainment gap.
Ms Sturgeon responded with an equally infantile ‘all youse unionists smell’ argument.
Picking up on a reference to welfare, she snapped: “Of course, this time last year Kezia Dugdale was arguing vigorously for the Tories to remain in charge of welfare issues. Therefore her credibility on the issue might be a little bit stretched.
“If would be better if Kezia Dugdale got behind us on some actions, stopped arguing for the Tories to remain in charge of these things and equipped this parliament to do them better.”
LibDem Willie Rennie signed up for similar grief by raising the SNP plan - first advocated by the Tories - for national tests to help close the damnable gap.
“The FM is being cheered by the Conservatives,” he laughed unwisely, at which the SNP benches erupted and roughly reminded him of five years of LibDem-Tory coalition
“If it were not such a serious issue, I would struggle to get to my feet and answer Willie Rennie’s question because of the laughter it inspired,” wheezed Ms Sturgeon.
She did, however, manage to close one gap, between questions four and six.
When backbench Nat Jim Eadie asked about film and TV investment, she flipped ahead in her folder, and replied: “We have no current plans - oh, sorry. I am on the wrong question.”
Not to worry. Her opponents usually go on the wrong question every week.
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