The Diary

All roads lead to Royal Troon this week

The Eagle: An Open Championship diary
The Eagle: An Open Championship diary

Denis Law after scoring in Scotland's 3-2 win over England at Wembley in 1967

Denis Law after scoring in Scotland's 3-2 win over England at Wembley in 1967

Herald Diary: England, World Cup, 1966? Pah, that was nothing

Muriel Gray, football analyst extraordinaire

Muriel Gray, football analyst extraordinaire

Herald Diary: Move over, Gary Lineker, we have a replacement lined up

Readers recall their encounters with the tawse

Readers recall their encounters with the tawse

Herald Diary: Remembering when school lessons were real belters

England's 1966 World Cuo-winning squad. Presume you've heard of them?

England's 1966 World Cuo-winning squad. Presume you've heard of them?

Herald Diary: And now the good news ... they might stop going on about 1966

A pet question for the President

A pet question for the President

Herald Diary: Why 'sleepy Joe' needs to take the hamster test

Dominoes can be dangerous

Dominoes can be dangerous

Herald Diary: Should you get danger money for playing dominoes?

Has Gareth Southgate stumbled on a new tactic?

Has Gareth Southgate stumbled on a new tactic?

2

Herald Diary: Oi! Gareth! Is your England team trying to bore us all to death?

Researchers have discovered that the hippopotamus can become airborne

Researchers have discovered that the hippopotamus can become airborne

Herald Diary: So what's the story with the bouncing hippo?

Herald Diary: Was John Swinney auditioning for Right Said Fred with those specs?

A 1960s Scots star

A 1960s Scots star

Herald Diary: Why disinfecting my toilet reminds me of a 1960s Scottish singing icon

Herald Diary: Why this Scottish band's classic tune is the perfect election song

Herald Diary: Why I will never fly EasyJet again

Chris Roberston says this musical instrument, spotted at Glastonbury at the weekend, appears a tad nervous before its big performance

Chris Roberston says this musical instrument, spotted at Glastonbury at the weekend, appears a tad nervous before its big performance

Herald Diary: Scottish crime author Douglas Skelton gets some unwanted praise

Ukraine players applaud fans at the end of their match with Belgium at the Euros in Stuttgart on Wednesday

Ukraine players applaud fans at the end of their match with Belgium at the Euros in Stuttgart on Wednesday

KEVIN MCKENNA'S DIARY

National government

6

How did families of dead Ukrainian soldiers feel about country's young men at Euros?

Clash of the numpties: Biden v Trump

Clash of the numpties: Biden v Trump

1

Herald Diary: Clash of the numpties: Biden v Trump wasn't exactly Ali versus Foreman

Jenny Muir, who spotted this helpful message, says: “The only problem is that people who don’t wash hands also don’t read signs

Jenny Muir, who spotted this helpful message, says: “The only problem is that people who don’t wash hands also don’t read signs

Herald Diary: Here is how McDonald’s should celebrate Scotland's Euro exit

Rhona Colbert, who spotted this sign, says: “That’s all very well. But I wonder what the policy is on cash being dragged out of a sweaty string-vest or faded pair of Y-Fronts?”

Rhona Colbert, who spotted this sign, says: “That’s all very well. But I wonder what the policy is on cash being dragged out of a sweaty string-vest or faded pair of Y-Fronts?”

1

Herald Diary: Is that Shandie Shaw sitting over there?

Comedian Craig Ferguson

Comedian Craig Ferguson

Herald Diary: Craig Ferguson and mystery of the teensy-weensy American island

Impressed Trevor Muir says: “I know there have been Council cutbacks, but the new toilets in North Berwick take some beating…”

Impressed Trevor Muir says: “I know there have been Council cutbacks, but the new toilets in North Berwick take some beating…”

Herald Diary: 'Jeezo. Taylor Swift’s let herself go'

Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie reported to us back in October 2020 that the Hillfoot Cafe had been transformed into an AE department. 'I can now report,' he says, 'that a member of the Hill family is oot of AE'

Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie reported to us back in October 2020 that the Hillfoot Cafe had been transformed into an AE department. 'I can now report,' he says, 'that a member of the Hill family is oot of AE'

Herald Diary: Colonialism capers is milking it

Hungarian and Scottish fans mingle in Stuttgart

Hungarian and Scottish fans mingle in Stuttgart

Euro 2024 Diary

1

Scotland face what could be the last dance as the Hungarians are cutting about Killie

Scotland fans in the stands ahead of their team’s match against Switzerland in Cologne. The 1-1 draw has kept their Euros dream alive

Scotland fans in the stands ahead of their team’s match against Switzerland in Cologne. The 1-1 draw has kept their Euros dream alive

KEVIN MCKENNA'S DIARY

National government

10

Astonishing rendition of Flower of Scotland struck a bum note with Scottish Labour

Locked out in Stuttgart as Scotland look for last laugh against Hungary

Locked out in Stuttgart as Scotland look for last laugh against Hungary

Euro 2024 Diary

1

Locked out in Stuttgart as Scotland look for last laugh against Hungary

The PS Waverley. See

The PS Waverley. See

Herald Diary: Recalling a history lesson in a Greenock pub

Scotland fans in the official fan zone in Cologne

Scotland fans in the official fan zone in Cologne

Euro 2024 Diary

1

Stuttgart braces for the Tartan Army as Scotland head south with a dream in tact

Dave Neville, who spotted this curious instruction, says: “The sign is, quite literally, talking balls.”

Dave Neville, who spotted this curious instruction, says: “The sign is, quite literally, talking balls.”

Herald Diary: A guide to Scotland's chances in the Euros, by Irvine Welsh

The three reasons Scotland are absolutely, definitely, going to beat Switzerland

The three reasons Scotland are absolutely, definitely, going to beat Switzerland

Euro 2024 Diary

1

The three reasons Scotland are absolutely, definitely, going to beat Switzerland

Oliver Graham says these vicious red peppers look like the sort of ingredient for lunch that is not very healthy, because while you’re trying to eat them, they would eat you right back

Oliver Graham says these vicious red peppers look like the sort of ingredient for lunch that is not very healthy, because while you’re trying to eat them, they would eat you right back

Herald Diary: Why Uber drivers are such caring people

The Tartan Army in a damp Cologne

The Tartan Army in a damp Cologne

Euro 2024 Diary

Storm clouds gather over Scotland and a chance meeting with Ally McCoist

Chris Robertson says he wouldn’t poo-poo a cuppa brewed in this unusual coffee-maker.

Chris Robertson says he wouldn’t poo-poo a cuppa brewed in this unusual coffee-maker.

Herald Diary: Why the German manager ought to be prosecuted

The weather in Cologne makes the Scots feel right at home

The weather in Cologne makes the Scots feel right at home

Euro 2024 Diary

A rainy welcome to Cologne, a cathedral and that urban myth about John F Kennedy

“Just when you think the world couldn’t get any worse,” sighs reader Jason Munro, “the Triffids arrive for a scrap.”

“Just when you think the world couldn’t get any worse,” sighs reader Jason Munro, “the Triffids arrive for a scrap.”

Herald Diary: So, do you fancy taking a bite of Puffin Poo?

Italy's diaspora gets the better of Albania's and it's on to Cologne

Italy's diaspora gets the better of Albania's and it's on to Cologne

Euro 2024 Diary

Italy's diaspora gets the better of Albania's and it's on to Cologne

White sausages, a Bavarian dish

White sausages, a Bavarian dish

EURO 2024 DIARY

2

My tasty but terrifying Bavarian breakfast - pale white sausages in brine

Germany fans at the Euro 2024 fan park in Munich

Germany fans at the Euro 2024 fan park in Munich

Euro 2024 Diary

Don't mention the football. I mentioned it once but I think I got away with it

A classic put-down from Billy Connolly: see

A classic put-down from Billy Connolly: see

Herald Diary: Recalling a sharp yin from the Big Yin

Willie Ferguson from Irvine says this tasty treat is a perfect present for England football fans when their team inevitably crash out of Euro 24.

Willie Ferguson from Irvine says this tasty treat is a perfect present for England football fans when their team inevitably crash out of Euro 24.

Herald Diary: Revealed: why the Leaders Debate had a rubbish look

David Donaldson is intrigued by this hairdresser’s in Cannes. “I don’t know who Miss Tiff is,” he admits, “but I sure wouldn’t dare criticise her hair-stylings.”

David Donaldson is intrigued by this hairdresser’s in Cannes. “I don’t know who Miss Tiff is,” he admits, “but I sure wouldn’t dare criticise her hair-stylings.”

Herald Diary: Is this the key to Orkney's happy secret?

“I can understand why this mop is furious,” says Dan Butler. “ All the work it has to do, and no thanks whatsoever. Just plunged in a dirty pail of water, and forced to do it all again.”

“I can understand why this mop is furious,” says Dan Butler. “ All the work it has to do, and no thanks whatsoever. Just plunged in a dirty pail of water, and forced to do it all again.”

Herald Diary: Here's what Taylor Swift has in common with Pavarotti

Gordon Casely is bemused by this sign in Rotterdam. “Thon Hotels?” he says.” In north-east Scotland, the posher folk among us refer to ‘Yon hotels’.”

Gordon Casely is bemused by this sign in Rotterdam. “Thon Hotels?” he says.” In north-east Scotland, the posher folk among us refer to ‘Yon hotels’.”

Herald Diary: The Glasgow cabbie who was a gold mine for Rumours

What would Taylor Swift write about her pet gerbil?

What would Taylor Swift write about her pet gerbil?

Herald Diary: A case of Taylor Swift retribution

Chris Robertson says the ones you really have to look out for are the sky trains, which might fall on your head at any moment

Chris Robertson says the ones you really have to look out for are the sky trains, which might fall on your head at any moment

Herald Diary: A vital accessory for the Scotland Euro 24 squad

Rob Matthews notes that the punishment for ignoring this warning will be swift, severe, and a sharp reminder not to do it again…

Rob Matthews notes that the punishment for ignoring this warning will be swift, severe, and a sharp reminder not to do it again…

Herald Diary: The sauce that merited more than a gander

“Those cunning kangaroos are getting up to all sorts in Oz,” notes impressed reader Chris Robertson.

“Those cunning kangaroos are getting up to all sorts in Oz,” notes impressed reader Chris Robertson.

Herald Diary: The sharp retort that skewered a would-be Romeo

Ian McNair from Fife sincerely hopes the renovations are better than their spelling.

Ian McNair from Fife sincerely hopes the renovations are better than their spelling.

Herald Diary: We have a menace for Scotland. Now, what about England?

The mighty midge: See

The mighty midge: See

Herald Diary: Looking for laughs? We can trump them all

Confused Duncan Graham from Stirling says: “Surely the whole point of eating them is so that you don’t feel knackered?”

Confused Duncan Graham from Stirling says: “Surely the whole point of eating them is so that you don’t feel knackered?”

Herald Diary: Making a mockery of mock Tudor

Bob Jamieson, who spotted this vehicle, notes that it may be only one car, but it is clearly in two minds.

Bob Jamieson, who spotted this vehicle, notes that it may be only one car, but it is clearly in two minds.

Herald Diary: Anyone think John Swinney would make a good Noah?

Waitrose budget range is suspiciously swanky when it comes to pet food, points out David Donaldson. “Unless,” he adds, “this is cheap lasagne made from minced cats.”

Waitrose budget range is suspiciously swanky when it comes to pet food, points out David Donaldson. “Unless,” he adds, “this is cheap lasagne made from minced cats.”

2

Herald Diary: Ah, such fond memories of Arthur Montford's jacket

“I’ve heard of hot off the press,” says Chris Robertson, “but this is ridiculous.”

“I’ve heard of hot off the press,” says Chris Robertson, “but this is ridiculous.”

Herald Diary: Get ready for more flights of fancy from Rishi Sunak

Mr Swinney said the decision to call the election for the start of the Scottish school holidays showed that Scots “will not have been given a moment’s thought

Mr Swinney said the decision to call the election for the start of the Scottish school holidays showed that Scots “will not have been given a moment’s thought

KEVIN MCKENNA'S DIARY

National government

26

Behave yourself John - we know the SNP don't give a Friar Tuck about summer holidays

It's gey wet, Rishi

It's gey wet, Rishi

Herald Diary: Why does it always rain on dishy Rishi?

David Donaldson approves of this sign, and says: “If you can have a flying carpet, why not an eating carpet?”

David Donaldson approves of this sign, and says: “If you can have a flying carpet, why not an eating carpet?”

Herald Diary: Are you ready for the season of Porky Political Broadcasts?

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