Though I've been travelling since I first left my council estate at 18 for a plane to New York and never looked back, I'd never dreamed of taking a cruise, let alone one around Scotland when I can simply hop on a train from Glasgow Central.
I’ve always favoured what they call "slow travel", living in places for months or sometimes years at a time. I’ve always thought of myself as a traveller not a tourist. I’ve taken 3am motorbikes to secret beaches in Vietnam, played with puppies and meditated in the Dalai Lama’s Temple in the Himalayas and travelled solo by train across Russia for a month living on buffet car horse-meat salads, and ice-cream sandwiches sold illicitly from nana's handbags on train platforms.
So, no I'd never considered a cruise which I imagined to be a sort of floating Blackpool full of octogenarians having open-mouthed snoozes and endless English breakfasts. But Fred Olsen Cruises promised me something different. Yes, we'd be cruising but around the scenic islands of Scotland, it was a smaller ship, understated but still a lifetime experience; most of all, it claims its trips are specifically designed for "travellers not tourists".
So, in the spirit of a woman who can’t say no, I took my boat-loving two-year-old and my reluctant Southside hipster husband and spent five days aboard the Bolette embarking at Newcastle and touring the beautiful Shetland Isles, Stornoway and Iona. I'll be honest, I went with the intention of writing a humorous piece. Of course, I thought, you can’t take a two-year-old on a cruise. Or your husband who gets motion sick and is very attached to his oat milk flat whites and WiFi signal. So, I thought why not? There’s unlimited cake and it would be a laugh.
But the joke was very much on me. On that boat, I had one of the best travel experiences of my extremely well-travelled 42 years.
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Probably one of the reasons that I've never considered cruising is because the idea of being stuck with strangers in a floating box on the sea is my idea of hell. So it makes sense that the people you are with will make or break your trip and this was never more true than for the MS Bolette. It's a fairly small boat by cruise ship standards, not one of those floating mega-city monstrosities with ice rinks and water slide flumes coming out of their sides like party popper streamers. It has at any given time around 1,300-1,600 passengers on board and staff from 32 nationalities.
Since we set sail from Newcastle and since we were sailing the Highlands the passengers were mostly from the north-east of E ngland and Scotland and almost all were returning customers. If you can imagine a boatload of Scots and Geordies on a boat with excellent cocktail bars and a relaxed atmosphere, then you can start to understand just how warm, kind and friendly it was.
Our family, by some margin, brought down the average age on board, though I confess my two-year-old did most of the heavy lifting there. It’s certainly not Club Med, and I wouldn’t go looking for a party. It was more like floating in a beautiful, peaceful hotel with five excellent restaurants, including some of the best Goan food I’ve eaten outside India, room service delivered with silver cloches and linen napkins and the most perfect, ever-changing view you could wish for. They even had a coffee shop, so not only did my husband get his oat milk flat white, he got handcrafted truffles on the side to boot.
No surprise that as a writer with multiple deadlines, my favourite feature was the several spacious areas designed for reading and relaxation including a carefully-curated library of books on ecology, international cuisine and art. When we were visiting ports, we took a bright yellow lifeboat which my son joyfully believed to be housing the Twirlywoos. And after a day exploring at ports, I often took a steam and a sauna looking out to the Highlands and then met my family for dinner by the pool. It is definitely worth mentioning too that as an adventurous traveller with a chronic health condition, it’s the most inclusive and accessible holiday I’ve ever taken.
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My favourite moment, second only to watching dolphins frolic as we played ping pong, was having breakfast of freshly baked pastries and hot coffee on the balcony with my little boy with sea all around and a beautiful big-eyed, silky-coated brown seal swimming right towards us, as curious about us as we were about it. Like all the best moments travelling, the joy of that moment will stay with me forever.
On the last morning, my husband looked at me and said: "I don't want to be ungrateful for all the other things we've done. But this is honestly one of the best holidays I've ever had. It's just eating good food, seeing beautiful places and actually resting." And I laughed because he’d fairly changed his tune but also because, despite my preconceptions of cruising, I completely agreed.
Would we do it again? In a heartbeat. My husband even has the cruise brochure on his bedside table. As for taking a two-year-old? It worked well for us because of the kindness and warmth of the staff and passengers on board. He was treated like Beyonce everywhere he went and he loved it. A little older and he might have needed more diversion but with unlimited cake, swimming and cuddles he was delighted.
So, thank you to the staff of the Bolette and to Fred. Olsen for confounding my expectations and opening me up to a whole new form of travel. We’re already planning to set sail again.
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