Posh nosh

THE West End is a sophisticated enclave of Glasgow, and probably the only enclave of Glasgow to use a hoity-toity word like enclave.

Reader John Gilligan tells us that a friend of his was in an upmarket fish and chip restaurant in that swish and swanky neck of the woods when he overheard a stylish young chap asking the waiter if he had any “gluten-free vinegar”.

 

Situation vacant

YOU can never have too much of a good thing, it’s often claimed.

And you can never have too much of a bad thing, either, apparently, for reader Bryce Drummond and his wife were approaching a prisoner transfer bus in Kilmarnock, and were surprised to see a "vacancies" notice.

Did this mean there was a desperate shortage of local criminals, and the authorities were now hoping to interview keen applicants for the role?

Perhaps not.

As Bryce and his wife got nearer the bus they spotted the small print on the notice, which read "for drivers".

 

Spiritual awakening

A RELIGIOUS tale in the Diary inspires Ian Barnett to tell us that he was in a church car park when some paper fluttered by.

On closer inspection it turned out to be a tenner.

“When I picked it up,” says Ian, “the missus asked what I was going to do with it. ‘Do what Jesus would have done,’ she suggested. 

“So I turned it into wine.”

 

Catchy title 

OUR ingenious readers have been devising prequels to famous books.

Steve McCormack tells us he’d like to read the novel that led up to Joseph Heller’s satirical masterpiece.

That novel would, of course, be titled Catch 21 and Three Quarters.

David Donaldson says he had to paws for thought when he noticed this van in Hyndland Road. “Either it’s driven by a serious dog-lover,” he adds, “or Maw Broon's other half.” David Donaldson says he had to paws for thought when he noticed this van in Hyndland Road. “Either it’s driven by a serious dog-lover,” he adds, “or Maw Broon's other half.” (Image: Contributed)

The blame game

OUR more grumpy readers often get in touch to tell us how disgusted they are with the world.

We now offer some useful advice to such people, courtesy of reader Naomi Crawford, who says: “Stop blaming everyone else for your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.”

 

Footering about

A TALE of rejuvenation.

IN the queue at Muirend Sainsbury’s, reader Tom Fenn overheard the two elderly ladies in front of him chatting.

Said one to the other: “I put my toe through a sock and was really depressed. Then I put a toe through the other sock, so now I have a pair again.”

 

Food for thought

A CULINARY thought from reader Dave Fletcher, who gets in touch to point out: “If you're on a bread-only diet, any bread you buy is wholemeal.”