Deep dive politics

ON social media Glasgow actor and comedian Sanjeev Kohli is taking a keen interest in American politics, and says: “If you want to be picked for Trump's presidential team, better hit the gym now cos there's going to be a swimsuit round.”

And thanks to reader Chris Robertson for this picture of a Make Christmas Great Again festive jumper for that friend you don't even pretend to like.

Doggy disaster

ARTIST Rob Cowley teaches evening classes where mature students are encouraged to discover their inner Picasso.

One of Rob’s former pupils was an elderly, middle-class lady who was very determined to become a great painter.

For several sessions she worked on a particular canvas, which turned out to be a watercolour daub of a cute puppy dog with huge watery eyes. The sort of image you often see on a Hallmark card.

Rob told the elderly lady that it was very lifelike, though she clearly wasn’t happy with her effort.

“I’m trying to explore my dark side,” she sighed. “But I’m beginning to worry that I don’t have one.”

The water works

STROLLING in Glasgow’s Merchant City, reader Mark Henderson spotted a tour guide in charge of a group of American tourists.

The guide was a young fellow, and he was pointing at a local boozer, which he said was one of the better drinking establishments the city had to offer.

“It doesn’t have a beer garden, though,” admitted the guide. “Not much call for them in Glasgow.”

One of the American tourists, firmly gripping an umbrella and standing in a puddle of rapidly deepening rain water, was heard to mutter: “Ya don’t say.”

Teen-rager

THE other afternoon reader Annie Jones noticed her teenage son lounging on the sofa in the living-room, playing a computer game.

“You look happy,” she said.

“I am happy,” conceded the youth. “But I’m not ecstatic. So it isn’t a perfect day, and now I’m feeling annoyed about that.”

Crimbo crackers

SEASON’S greetings from reader Adrian Moore, who tells us: “My neighbours have their Christmas lights up. So I'm inviting them to our Easter egg hunt this weekend.”

Mind your language

CONFUSED reader Grace Roberts admits that she still struggles to come to grips with the contradictions inherent in the English lingo, even though it’s her native tongue.

The other day a colleague informed Grace that he was hoping for a promotion, so he was going on a “charm offensive”.

Says Grace: “I pointed out to him that one or the other was possible, but not both.”

Smug smearing

“THE doctor prescribed me anti-gloating cream,” says reader Paul Worthington. “Can’t wait to rub it in.”