Face the music

WHILE he was a student at Glasgow University reader Justin Clapham shared a west end flat with a pal who owned an electric guitar which he proudly placed on a stand in the living room.

Nothing strange about that, of course.

What was strange, however, was that the pal couldn’t play guitar.

So Justin inquired why he bought the thing.

“I’m a pretty decent accordion player,” explained the pal, “but that’s never impressed any woman I’ve fancied. However, they do tend to like guitar players.”

Concluded the pal: “So, as far as my love life is concerned, I’ve decided that it’s better to own an electric guitar I can’t play, than own an accordion I can.”  

 

Social fella

THE ever-creative Diary is devising prequels to famous books.

John Mulholland suggests a non-fiction work about an American chap famous for his radical politics.

The prequel to The Autobiography of Malcolm X would, of course, be titled The Autobiography of Malcolm Twitter.

 

Animal magic

LITERATURE continued.

Ruth Buchan from Shawlands tells us she’s reading a novel about an immortal dog.

“It’s impossible to put down,” she admits.

David Donaldson is intrigued by this tradesman's vehicle in Toronto. “It's like a joiner's version of Ten Green Bottles,” he says. “Eventually ending up with 'None Fingers Left'.”David Donaldson is intrigued by this tradesman's vehicle in Toronto. “It's like a joiner's version of Ten Green Bottles,” he says. “Eventually ending up with 'None Fingers Left'.” (Image: Contributed) Animal tragic

EXHAUSTED reader Paddy Wilson tells us that he stayed up all night watching coverage of the American Presidential election.

His wife, quite sensibly, went to bed about 10pm, and slept through all the excitement.

In the morning she said to Paddy: “I don’t know why you bothered. After all, there wasn’t that much drama. It was only a two-horse race.”

“No horses in this race,” corrected Paddy. “Just donkeys.”

 

Downey and out

ON social media Glasgow comedian Mark Nelson has also been following the titanic struggle between Donald and Kamala, and notes that before the voting started many Hollywood superstars, including Robert Downey Jr and Scarlett Johansson, posted videos endorsing the Democratic candidate.

“Can’t believe this didn’t work,” says a shocked Mark. “Normal people love celebrities telling us what to do.”

 

Raging about ageing

THE Diary’s mission statement is to cheer up our readers.

When we can’t achieve this we fall back on Plan B: to thoroughly depress our readers.

With this in mind, here’s a thought from reader Ben Griffith, who explains: “The irony of aging is that you finally figure out the rules, but you're too tired to play the game.”

 

Food for thought

MILITARY musings from reader Tom Fenn, who says: “Scientists claim that one day robots will replace soldiers. Quite frankly, I can’t imagine anyone wanting to dip a robot in their boiled egg.”