The anatomy lesson
THE mother of reader Katie Carmichael has a habit of mixing up the names of family members.
Katie’s brother recently asked his mum if Katie’s partner was getting out and about, knowing that he'd recently had a full knee replacement.
"Not yet", said mum. "He can't venture out until after an operation next week."
“Oh dear,” replied Katie’s brother, somewhat bewildered. Was this even more work being done on the knee joint?
"No", said mum. "He's having his testicles removed."
After further probing, he realised that she'd confused her son-in-law, Bill, with the cat, Pablo.
Sporting chap
FORMER MP and MSP, Dennis Canavan, recalls his old school pal, the legendary Celt, Tommy Callaghan, who sadly passed away recently.
Dennis played in the same school team as Tommy and his big brother, Willie, who also became a professional footballer, playing for Dunfermline Athletic and Scotland.
At school, Willie played centre forward and Tommy was on the left wing.
During one close match, Willie shot for goal.
The goalie was nowhere to be seen and the ball appeared to be on target.
Tommy was following the ball closely and could have easily tapped it into the net. The ball then suddenly hit a wee bump on the ground and went past the post for a by-kick.
The teacher in charge of the team raged at Tommy: “What are you playing at, Callaghan? You missed an open goal! Why did you not just stick out a foot and put the ball in the net?”
Replied the gracious Tommy: “Sorry, sir. But I didn’t want to steal my brother’s goal.”
Munro? No.
A TALE of doubtful dynamism.
A young work colleague asked Diary correspondent Bruce Johnson what he did at the weekend, probably expecting some thrilling yarn about white-water kayaking or Munro-bagging.
The young fellow was surely disappointed when Bruce replied: “I’m 60 years old. So I had an afternoon nap on the sofa, which gradually evolved into a snooze. Then, exhausted, I went to bed for a sleep.”
Early reading
LITERARY-LOVING Don Clarke from Cambuslang has decided to write prequels to his favourite novels, and is starting with… The First of the Mohicans.
Tasteless remark
THE perplexed nine-year-old son of reader Julie Thompson said to her: “An egg comes from a chicken, but tastes nothing like chicken. So when does the chicken flavour get added to chicken?”
Mystery man
“SOMETIMES my husband really bugs me,” admits reader Debbie Forbes. “Wish I hadn’t married a spy.”
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