Top Trump?
THE American Presidential election fast approaches, like a sequel to that classic comedy, Dumb and Dumber.
Back in Scotland, reader Sandra Baker found herself browsing in the political section of Waterstones on Sauchiehall Street, where a book about Donald Trump was being promoted.
It was titled, rather bombastically, I Alone Can Fix It.
Sandra tells the Diary: “I’m presuming those are the words of The Donald, himself. Which sound pretty impressive. However, those are almost exactly the same words that were used by my husband when our fridge recently broke down.
“After six hours rummaging round the back of the machine, and lots of swearing, he conceded defeat and brought in a repair man. Donald Trump… take note.”
Dubious double-act
MORE marital musings.
The wife of reader Duncan Owen said to him the other day: “You know, we don’t agree on anything.”
“Well,” replied Duncan, “at least we can agree on that.”
Shakey airheads
PHILOSOPHICAL thought of the day from reader Joe Tipton, who notes: “Air traffic controllers probably say the words Romeo and Juliet more times in their career than a Shakespearean actor.”
Bathtime blues
AUTUMN is the scariest season.
Unless you’re terrified of killer ladybirds, then it’s probably summer.
One of the most disconcerting aspects of the present season is that creepy crawlies realise it’s getting a tad chilly outdoors, which encourages them to sneak into the homes of unsuspecting humans.
Unsuspecting, that is, until we catch sight of them on a dark night… then we start to shriek and gibber.
Diary correspondent Emma Shaw was in the kitchen when she heard just such a series of desperate noises emanating from the bathroom, followed, moments later, by her husband appearing next to her, ashen-faced.
“I’ve just seen a massive spider in the bath,” quivered this brave chap.
“How massive?” enquired Emma.
“Put it this way,” he continued, all a-flutter, “a supermodel would be jealous of those legs.”
Space case
THAT inventive fellow Elon Musk recently blasted a huge rocket into the air, and it’s not even November the 5th yet.
With the space race hotting up again, reader John Watts is reminded of an intrepid hero of a bygone era.
Says John: “Neil Armstrong backwards is ‘Gnorts Mr Alien’ which is probably how you say hello to someone who lives on the dark side of the Moon.”
Hollering hounds
“IT has been suggested that dogs bark up to 350 times a day,” says reader Tom Field. “Of course, that’s just a ruff estimate.”
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