Noises off

THE school classroom is a rumbunctious environment.

Though, of course, most pupils don’t know what rumbunctious means, for they’re far too busy being rumbunctious to learn anything of value.

Bruce Morgan attended a particularly feisty Paisley school in the 1970s, and recalls an exasperated English teacher saying to a troublesome scholar lurking at the back of the class: “James! If you have to shout, can you at least shout quietly.”

 

Jump to it

THE intrepid Diary has taken its deerstalker hat and magnifying glass across the border into the windy wilds of Northern England, where we are investigating the curious case of a Yorkshire sheep that somehow managed to get itself onto a pub roof.

Peter Wright from West Kilbride wonders if it was perhaps a forgotten extra from the Wallace & Gromit movie A Close Shave.

This is a strong possibility, though it still doesn’t explain how the sheep gained its lofty vantage point.

Then again, if it was indeed a sheep who somehow managed to escape from a famous cartoon, it might have special powers.

If Bugs Bunny can wear spiffy white gloves and talk in a Brooklyne accent, why shouldn’t a sheep be able to leap onto a pub roof?

 

Boozy booky

WE mentioned that a watering hole has opened in Glasgow where the cocktail menu is inspired by authors connected to alcohol.

The Diary is imagining what drinks are on the menu.

John Mulholland suggests a tipple called Gone with the Wine, which he explains is: “Named after the famous Margaret Mitchell novel. For those times when, frankly my dear, you don’t give a dram.”

 

Amusing metal musings

AFFABLE Stuart Barrie was delighted to meet up with an old chum he hadn’t seen in years.

This fellow worked in a foundry before retiring, and he regaled our correspondent with many anecdotes about his career.

Stuart commended him on his amusing tales, inspiring the chum to reply: “Well, you know what they say. Iron workers tell the most riveting stories.”

 

Specs appeal

SHOPAHOLIC Kelly Green was in one of those quirky boutiques in Glasgow’s west end and purchased a pair of vintage 1960s sunglasses, but when she returned home and looked in the mirror, she decided they didn’t suit her.

With a pained sigh, Kelly says: “Bad decision in retro specs…”

 

Alarming behaviour

A SHAME-FACED admission from reader Jess Temple.

“I always set two wake-up alarms,” she says. “One for the person I want to be, and one for the person I am.”