Green day
HISTORIANS of modern Europe often claim that Otto von Bismarck, the Prussian statesman and diplomat, was the most cunning person to have ever lived.
Historians of modern Europe are, of course, talking out of their bahookies.
For there is nothing more cunning than a parent who is conniving to get a surly child to eat food that the youngster is not particularly fond of.
Reader Beth Whyte tells us that her five-year-old son, Dylan, was refusing to eat peas or mash.
So Beth came up with a crafty stratagem.
She mixed peas and mash in a blender, resulting in a lumpy, green concoction.
Plonking a plate of the hideous stuff in front of her son, she informed him that it was freshly mashed superhero, the Hulk.
Dylan happily gobbled it down, and even demanded a second helping of Hulk…
Dog day afternoon
THE things you see in Glasgow’s Central Station.
One afternoon last week Alex Clarke was waiting for his train, when he noticed a woman with a pushchair.
Nothing unusual in that, you may conclude.
However, instead of a baby in the pushchair, there was a scruffy wee dug.
Another chap nearby also noticed this strange apparition, and said to the lady: “That’s a cute baby you’ve got, luv. But it’s needin’ a shave. A triple-blade Bic should get the job done.”
The woman was not amused. (And neither was the wee dug.)
Fat chance
DISAPPOINTED reader Douglas Perkins gets in touch to tell us: “I thought I was losing weight. Turns out it was just the elastic in my joggy bottoms giving out.”
Picture this
ART teacher Steven Marshall was with a third year class, and one of the more promising pupils was painting a convoluted image on canvas.
Steven explained to the student that it’s better to be restrained in the act of creation, concluding with the oft-repeated maxim “Less is more.”
The student was not entirely persuaded by this, and replied: “Aye, but if less is more, then think how much more more is gonnae be.”
Modern romance
THE following vignette is best described as a rom com gone wrong.
Reader Charlotte Conner was once in a nightclub and overheard a likely lad chatting up a nearby female.
“So what sign were you born under?” asked the chap.
“As far as you’re concerned,” replied the girl, “a warning sign.”
Bouncy bovine
“THE hardest part of making skimmed milk,” notes reader Michael Bell, “is throwing the cows across the loch.”
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