Sole man

THE gallantry of the Glesga geezer is celebrated throughout the civilised world.

It’s true that, unlike Walter Raleigh, the Glesga geezer will not drape his cape over a puddle, allowing a young maiden to sashay across it, her delicate ankles protected from filthy rainwater.

That’s only because capes are in short supply in the West of Scotland, the last branch of Capes-R-Us having shut down several centuries ago.

Other than that, the Glasgow male is the finest specimen of chivalry around, as author Deedee Cuddihy discovered.

She was on a bus, and a young bloke sitting on the seat behind decided it was perfectly acceptable behaviour to rest his foot (shoe and all) on her shoulder.

Finding that she didn’t enjoy this experience overmuch, Deedee gave the chap a dirty look, then shoved the foot from her shoulder.

The foot-owning fellow was outraged that his generous gift had been so coldly rejected.

"Ooh, looks like we've got a bit of a snob here,” he huffed. “Maybe she should get a taxi the next time, instead of the bus."

 

Maryhill marauder

WHEN the feet of Glesga geezers aren’t invading the shoulders of unsuspecting maidens, those same feet can be found invading neighbouring cities. (Along with the bodies attached to the feet, of course.)

We hear of one chap from Maryhill who moved to Edinburgh, where he plies his trade as a washer of windows.

Reader Greg Peterson drinks in the same pub as this fellow, where the window cleaner is affectionately called the Weegie with the Squeegee.

 

Memory moans

“OLD age arrived at a terrible time,” sighs Tom Fenn. “Just as I was starting to know it all, I forgot it all.”

 

Fighting talk

A TALE of high culture.

Frank Lang was in the local boozer, chatting to a pal who came out with a memorable remark, saying: “The older I get, the more I’ve got to leave behind.”

An impressed Frank asked: “Is that from King Lear?”

“Nah,” said his pal. “It’s Rocky Balboa, in one of the Rocky movies.”

 

Mind matters

WHEN most people get depressed they read the Diary, and are instantly cheered up.

However a few foolish folk resort to visiting a shrink, including reader Emma Cooper, who says: “I’ve tried different forms of psychotherapy like ‘behavioural’ and ‘cognitive’, but get the best results with reverse, where my therapist cries at the end and writes me a cheque.”

 

Neigh fun

COMPASSIONATE Jim Reynolds says: “Water polo sounds like an enjoyable pastime, though I feel sorry for the horses.”