Hole in ten

MANY years ago, when reader Don Murphy was a young man and had just bagged his first job in Dundee city centre, he was full of hopes, dreams and ambitions.

On his first day at work, those very same hopes, dreams and ambitions took a hard knock.

An elderly employee of the company guided him to a spartan basement room, where a bare and dusty lightbulb provided scant illumination on the sorry scene.

This was to be our reader’s office.

“There’s no windows in here,” pointed out Don.

The elderly employee glared at him, probably having never heard such an outrageous (though true) assertion.

After a few more moments of glaring, the elderly employee replied haughtily: “Windows are for management, sonny.”

In a slightly more conciliatory tone, he added: “If you’re hard working and diligent, you’ll mibbe get yourself a porthole, 10 year from now.”

 

Permanently puzzled

READING a novel is a time-consuming task. It’s also exhausting, having to flip all those pages.

With this in mind, our correspondents have concluded they would rather read something pithier, such as the message on a T-Shirt.

Ron Munro from Aberdeen noticed one young fellow wearing a T-Shirt which stated "Clueless till I die".

Says Ron: “Not many people would admit it, but that’s probably the way we all feel.”

 

Fighting talk

THOUGHT for the day from reader Harry Taylor: “Karate is just an aggressive way of making people smell your feet.”

 

Wedded woes

LABOUR haven’t been in power very long, yet already they’ve managed to infuriate half the British public. (The other half were already infuriated with them.)

Scottish comedian Leo Kearse underlines the point by saying of Starmer’s alarming start: “Never mind a honeymoon period. It was like Britney Spears getting  married.”

With Halloween looming at the end of the month, Stuart Neville wonders if this car will be brooming around the roads, or flying like a broom in the moonlit night sky…With Halloween looming at the end of the month, Stuart Neville wonders if this car will be brooming around the roads, or flying like a broom in the moonlit night sky… (Image: Contributed)

Artsy argy-bargy

A SPECIALITY of Glasgow’s West End is pretentious chit-chat.

If there’s ever a shortage of the stuff on the world market, the West End will be able to supply barrel-loads around the globe, and still have enough to fuel the home nation.

We’ve got a doozy of the genre from reader Suzanne Gregson, who heard two students arguing in a bar.

“Your reality’s not my truth,” snipped one.

“Well, your truth’s not my reality,” snapped the other.

At which point they reached an impasse, so both sat huffily sipping their drinks, not another word uttered.

 

Short-changed by change

I’M disappointed with my new sandwich toaster,” says reader Jake Cole. “Should have stuck with the old one. Better the Breville you know…”