It’s funny how they always use the language of war. “Living in fear”. “Attack”. “Bombardment”. They also say that we should get them before they get us. It’s probably why, of all the species on this planet, human beings are by far my least favourite.

What the human beings in this case are talking about isn’t warplanes or bombs, it’s birds, specifically seagulls, specifically seagulls in Aberdeenshire, in the town of Elgin. Councillors there say the seagulls have become a menace, a nuisance and are out of control and the only answer is to kill them. Perhaps one of the councillors’ cars got splatted by one of the gulls, boo-hoo, or perhaps a stray chip was dropped on it, who knows. But they’re angry.

One of the councillors says the problem is that people are “living in fear of attack” of the gulls but evidence of actual attacks is hard to find. There have been stories from Eyemouth in the Borders about children being hit by seagulls and being left with gashes to their head, but the details are not clear. Ornithophobic humans are also prone to exaggeration. I still remember the man from Dover who said a seagull swooped down with its “claws” and tried to steal his dog from the ground.

So what I’m saying is we should treat stories about gull attacks with considerable caution and scepticism and if there have been minor injuries, we should do two things. First, put the incidents into context and consider whether killing birds would be the right response. And second, think about what else human beings can do to avoid coming into conflict with the birds.

First: the context. There’s an idea that seagulls are everywhere because they once swooped down on yer granny’s fish supper at Aberdeen beach, but they are not everywhere. Seagulls are on the red list of concern for British species: their numbers have dropped by over 70% in 55 years, and this applies to all the common gulls: they’re all declining. The RSPB says urgent action is needed to restore and protect the birds’ natural habitats, and I don’t think killing birds would count.

I would also ask the councillors in Elgin, respectfully if I must, to consider how remarkable gulls are. They can recognise each other and respect their neighbours. They’re monogamous. They return to the same nests every year. Mated pairs who have spent the winter apart re-unite for breeding and recognise their partner from a distance on his or her return. And yes, they will defend their young in the nest. So extraordinary animals, and good parents too.

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The other obvious thing to consider here is what humans can do to avoid conflict with seagulls. To be fair to the council in Elgin, they have tried non-lethal control measures, but it’s often human behaviour that’s the real problem. Gulls will swoop down on old kebabs or bits of pizza or rip into a bin liner but if humans didn’t chuck stuff on the street, it would be less of a problem. Folk are complaining about children allegedly being attacked by gulls but what are they doing about the children who chuck litter on the street?

People should also use their common sense when the gulls are nesting. I used to park my car near the Piping Centre in Glasgow where the rooftops were ideal for nesting gulls and yes, occasionally a gull would swoop down as I walked to the car park. But it was a warning only: I was never struck by any of the gulls and never heard of anyone who was, so just be sensible and, to use much more appropriate language from the war: keep calm and carry on.

(Image: Is a seagull cull necessary?)

Fortunately, it looks like the Scottish Government is holding firm on this one for now. The council in Elgin apparently intends to write to the government asking for permission for a cull of the gulls, but NatureScot, the agency in charge of these things, is emphasising the fact that the birds need to be protected not exterminated. My hope is that the agency will stick to that and listen to the message from the skies and the sea and the fields: we are going to have to learn new ways of living together.

In the meantime, I would urge the councillors, and anyone else who gets worked up by seagulls, to consider the facts. From the 1960s until now, the number of breeding pairs of herring gull has declined from around 200,000 to about 50,000 while over the same period the number of town councillors has remained stable. I would also ask them to stop for a minute and try a new angle: one of the most attacked and maligned of birds is also one of the most beautiful.

Let me end with a personal memory from Aberdeen, the capital of seagulls. I was born and brought up in the city so the sound of the birds isn’t a nuisance or a pain, it’s our theme tune. When I was living close to the harbour, it was also my alarm clock, and now, more than 30 years since I moved to Glasgow, whenever I hear the birds, or see one pecking a little disconsolately at some litter on the street, I don’t see a threat or a menace, I see something else much more inspiring: one of nature’s design classics making the best of things in the messy, ugly world of humans.