Communication breakdown
STROLLING on the prom in Largs, reader Ruaridh McIntyre decided to buy fish and chips.
The chippy was busy, and a ticket system was in place.
While Ruaridh waited for his food, the counter assistant called out Order 40, but that particular customer didn’t respond.
He was too busy arguing on his phone.
Another member of the queue tapped Order 40 on the shoulder and informed him his food was ready.
So Order 40 handed his phone to the shoulder-tapper (a complete stranger) then said: “Here, pal. You speak tae him. He’s no listening to me.”
The complete stranger proceeded to carry on the argument over the phone, while the other bloke collected his grub.
With the phone jammed against his ear, the complete stranger said: “He’s goan fur his chips.”
A pause ensued, then the complete stranger added: “Aye, he is an ****hole.”
Thus ended the call.
The phone was duly returned to its owner, now clutching his chips.
“What’d he say?” enquired the owner of the phone.
“Dunno,” came the reply. “I wisnae listening.”
And with that, the conversation concluded, and Order 40 sauntered down the prom, happily munching his chips.
Cut it out
OUR readers are impressed by the compassion Labour has introduced into the UK government, especially when it comes to providing freebies for the poverty-stricken and downtrodden, i.e. the Prime Minister and his missus.
“Labour also has a scheme to help poor pensioners reduce their fuel bills,” points out reader Joe Knox, “by cutting off their electricity.”
Ash in a flash
CONCERNED reader John Devlin says: “I told my wife I want to be cremated. She made me an appointment for next Wednesday.”
Game on
GLASGOW is hosting the 2026 Commonwealth Games. “Due to a lack of funds, it won’t be a repeat of the 2014 extravaganza,” notes John Mulholland.
“There will be no government money, no athletes’ village, no additional venues and the number of events will be scaled back.”
John adds: “I fear by the time 2026 arrives, Glasgow will be hosting the Commonwealth Game.”
Brought to book
IN Glasgow city centre, Alex Crawley spotted a lady with a questionnaire, attempting to stop people in the street.
“Can I borrow you for a minute?” she said to one chap.
“Wit dae ye hink I am,” he replied, “a library book?”
Eastern promise
AN exciting development in the life of reader June Fisher, who says: “I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.”
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