Times are a-changin’
THE world of showbiz is not as glamorous as our readers may assume.
Scottish comedian Stuart McPherson pointed this out a couple of years ago, when he wrote on social media: “My gravestone will read ‘He was born. He seemed to somehow spend £30 every 2 days in Tesco Express. He died’.”
Thankfully the Diary can now report that Stuart’s fortunes have taken a dramatic turn since that sad little admission, for this week he states on social media: “I now seem to spend £30 every day in Tesco Express somehow.”
What a spectacle
CELEBRITY shenanigans, continued.
Reader Simon Spencer found himself on the Neilston train travelling out of Glasgow Central.
The journey was suddenly enlivened when he spotted a chap who was surely the footballing icon and former Celtic striker, Charlie Nicholas.
Simon was too shy to request an autograph, and when he got home his wife was sceptical of his claims to have spotted a footy legend.
“You must have been mistaken,” she snorted. “Why would Charlie Nicholas be on a train? That’s not the behaviour of a celebrity, is it?”
“He wasn’t just on a train,” countered Simon. “He was on a train AND he was wearing shades. You can only get away with that if you’re a superstar.”
T time
THE Diary is celebrating the wisdom of youthful scholars, and we recently recalled the bright high school pupil who informed his teacher of two fish indigenous to Scotland beginning with the letter ‘S’… single and special.
Brian Logan from Glasgow adds to our admiration of students by telling us that one of his pupils once asked him to name four types of fruit beginning with ‘T’.
After saying tomato and tangerine, Brian admitted defeat.
The missing answers turned out to be a toffee apple and a tin of peaches.
Window of opportunity
AN uplifting tale from Lew Holden of Newton Mearns.
“Every evening a jogger runs past my window,” he says. “It has now inspired me to get off my fat backside and close the blinds.”
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Complete stitch up
EXCLUSIVE fashion news from Diary correspondent Jeff Auton from Bathgate, who reveals: “I bought myself some new underpants last week. A nice pair. Imported from China. Lovely material. Silk. Not very comfortable, though. They've been badly stitched up the Yangtze.”
Recipe for success
WISE words from reader Suzanne Edwards, who tells us: “I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.”
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