Flight of fancy
A TALE of those magnificent men in their flying machines.
Peter Wright from West Kilbride knew an airline pilot who maintained that a good landing was one where you could walk away from the aircraft.
He added that an excellent landing was one after which you could use the aircraft again.
This highly skilled captain of the skies also had a blustery private life.
He was set to be married on three separate occasions, to different ladies.
Unfortunately the intended spouses broke off the engagements.
Says Peter: “He admitted that he learned a lot from those near Mrs.”
Quirky quiz
A DIARY tale about those scaly critters who live under water reminds Tom Bain of the teacher who was asked by one of his bright scholars to name two fish indigenous to Scotland beginning with "S".
After getting ‘salmon’ the poor teacher struggled and eventually conceded defeat, to then be informed that the answer was ‘single and special’.
Chocs away
STUART Murdoch, the lead singer of Glasgow band Belle and Sebastian, has a sweet voice.
He also has a sweet tooth, it transpires, for on social media he makes a bold claim when he says: “The person who first put salt in chocolate should be awarded the Nobel Prize for Confectionery.”
(The Diary wasn’t aware of this prestigious award. If it does indeed exist, we’d definitely give the prize to the sweetie-maker who brings back the Texan Bar, that majestic vanquisher of a whole generation’s worth of children’s gnashers.)
Politics for beginners
CONVIVIAL Frank McAlister was at a dinner party in Glasgow’s West End, and got chatting to a bloke he’d never met before.
Inevitably the conversation veered on to current affairs, and Frank asked the bloke what were his politics.
Without skipping a beat, the bloke replied: “I’m slightly to the right of left of centre.”
Frank found this answer not entirely satisfactory, and inquired what he meant.
“Another way of putting it,” explained the chap patiently, “is I’m slightly to the left of right of centre.”
“Oh. Righty-oh, then,” said Frank, none the wiser. (And was very relieved when the conversation drifted on to safer grounds, i.e. the weather.)
Meaty moment
IN Sainsbury’s reader Laura Fenn accidentally dropped a steak she was buying.
A nearby shopper smirked, then said: “Oh, look. Ground beef.”
Crushing disappointment
WE mentioned the avian world, which inspires Robin Gilmour to inform us that his obese parrot has died. “Sad news,” he says. “But a huge weight off my shoulders.”
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