The first time I travelled on a new Glasgow Subway train I developed a serious case of music topophilia. It involved standing at the back of the train watching its length shoogle and twist through the bowels of the West End while Dramamine by Modest Mouse played aptly through my headphones. I was amazed I could hear it. Luckily, I don’t suffer motion sickness. If anything would trigger it, it would be this intimate view of the entire Subway train snaking slowly from station to station.

I don’t mind that it’s slower than before. I can deal with this in the short term. Strathclyde Partnership for Transport (SPT) said this is due to the new trains running on the old signalling system while the new signalling and communications system is being installed. Hence why the ceiling tiles are down in the stations and spidery wires are dangling overhead. Once the signalling is upgraded (and the people protecting doors are installed), the drivers will be reassigned and we should be good to go.

My virtuous patience for the completion of this latest project, however, is limited to the extra six minutes it takes for the Subway to complete a loop. As the carriage shakes and curves around a particularly sharp bend, I’m struck by the Clockwork Orange as a metaphor for the aimless approach successive governments and local authorities have taken to transport.

(Image: PA)

This week the Scottish Government announced procurement would begin to replace ScotRail’s Intercity trains. The pending multi-million-pound price tag has yet to be announced. It’s as if Fiona Hyslop saw that SPT’s £288 million, 13-year journey to new trains kept the media and the public well occupied and thought, presto! Who needs ambition when it comes to transport when you can offer passengers more comfort and support your “efforts to decarbonise the railways”?

The new train pledge has at least pleased the train drivers’ union, Aslef. After the Stonehaven rail crash, a report by the drivers’ union found the current train fleet inadequate when it came to passenger and driver safety. They also highlighted the trains’ environmental impact. Trains should be safe. Rail workers should feel safe at work. But when a big investment in public transport is loosely announced the same week as the Scottish Government confirms £500 million in spending cuts, we need to address the woeful lack of tenacity for transport in the West of Scotland displayed since the 1970s. Something that has been holding the economy back by billions of pounds.

Is there no way to upgrade the current fleet to meet safety standards? Can we not add seat belts or any other secondary impact protection to the trains we already have? And spend our precious public cash on something more pressing, like actually joining up the Subway, trains and buses with interchanges in Scotland’s largest city?

This summer has been a public relations nightmare for both the Subway and ScotRail. Apart from being slow and clumsy at the moment, the new Subway trains have a habit of breaking down in the tunnels. Not the kind of thing you want to happen when an opposition MSP is on board. Paul O’Kane was pretty nice about it though.

Things are a lot worse over at the ScotRail press office. A pay dispute with Aslef drivers that started back in July led to a temporary timetable that is expected to be in place until at least September 29. Revellers couldn’t get home from TRNSMT. Getting to and from the Fringe was hellish at best. Perhaps the promise of new trains was a little wink in the drivers’ direction so we don’t see the same unrest again next year. The prevailing attitude is to just slap on a plaster and keep playing kick the can.

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It is at this point I reach for a pack of Kwells. Since the Subway opened in 1896 there have been six major studies into how the route could be expanded. Six major dead horse floggings, cost unknown. Expanding the Subway is a false flag.

We know how to improve transport in the greater Strathclyde Region because the plans have been the same for around 50 years. The Clyderail development study of the 1970s is not that different from the long-awaited, much-procrastinated Clyde Metro. For the uninitiated, Clyde Metro is a dream for a Greater Glasgow where the Subway, trains and buses all work together to create an accessible, multi-modal transport system that will finally connect all corners of the region efficiently. The plans include a light rail system that would put the golden child Manchester to shame.

A few weeks ago I spoke to MSP Paul Sweeney about Glasgow’s transport system. He pointed out that Renfrew is the largest town in Scotland without a railway line. And the East Kilbride upgrade neglected to fully dual-track the railway line which undermines its ability to get to a 15-minute, turn-up and go frequency.

I am a strong believer that making the transport network joined-up and accessible will encourage more people in the long run to ditch their cars. It will thus be better for the planet. New Intercity trains might be more carbon-savvy in the short term, but scrapping the old trains will still have a hefty environmental impact. Not to mention the return of peak fares means driving is more enticing than ever.

To recap, this is where we are with our public transport system: Clyde Metro is still just a series of PDFs with the next £12 million in funding for the project being used to commission consultants to draft more PDFs. The £288 million Subway upgrade is nearly complete but the function of it hasn’t changed, we still have 15 stations. ScotRail is proposing new InterCity trains for an undisclosed sum after bringing back peak fares and underserving the nation for months amid a pay dispute with drivers. And the project to franchise Glasgow’s currently rubbish buses is moving at a glacial pace. Inertia at its best. What will it take to get something done around here?

I’ve said what I said and you know what I mean.

Marissa MacWhirter is the editor of The Glasgow Wrap. Each morning, Marissa curates the top local news stories from around the city, delivering them to your inbox at 7am daily so you can stay up to date on the best reporting without ads, clickbait or annoying digital clutter. Oh, and it’s free. She can be found on X @marissaamayy1