Paw-litics

NEWS reaches the Diary that a new cat is being installed in Number 10 Downing Street.

Reader David Donaldson makes an important political point when he says: “I think Sir Keir has missed a great opportunity to pay tribute to his Labour predecessors by not calling the mouser Claws Four.”

 

Snippy sniping

THE teenage son of reader Alison MacLeod is trying to figure out what career he should pursue when he eventually leaves school, and he recently suggested that he would like to be a tree surgeon.

The poor lad’s snooty father snorted contemptuously at this perfectly noble calling, then said:  

“I always laugh when I hear it called tree surgery, when really it’s just a hairdresser for trees.”

 

Ch-ch-ch-changes

GREEN politics are pretty influential in modern Scottish life, with more windmills dominating the local landscape than Don Quixote ever jabbed a chivalrous spear towards while galloping round La Mancha.

Reader Tom Elliott admits he has never quite got to grips with the concerns of the Greens, when he says: “I’ve always assumed that another name for climate change is Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter.”

Foster Evans says that being a certain age, his pals split into two groups: those who worry about their health… and The Others. Chia seeds do lower cholesterol, notes Foster, but his less health-conscious pals conclude that the supplier’s name sums up the buyers…Foster Evans says that being a certain age, his pals split into two groups: those who worry about their health… and The Others. Chia seeds do lower cholesterol, notes Foster, but his less health-conscious pals conclude that the supplier’s name sums up the buyers… (Image: Contributed)

Sweaty spy

WE mentioned that a reader’s young grandson watched his very first James Bond movie.

Instead of being entertained by the thrilling action scenes, he was more intrigued to discover why the superspy  preferred his favourite alcoholic beverage shaken, not stirred.

Diary correspondent Ron King tells us about the time he took his girlfriend, now his wife, to see a Bond movie.

Afterwards he inquired if she had enjoyed the experience.

“I don’t understand it,” she said. “With all the running about Bond does, he should get out of that stuffy tuxedo and bow tie and put on a tracksuit and trainers.”

 

Does it suck?

McDONALD’S recently started selling a drink that goes by the name of the Grimace Shake, and the sludgy concoction is a very striking shade of purple.

Reader Chris Robertson visited one of the fast-food outlets with a pal, and sampled the cockamamie cordial.

His pal was not impressed, and said: “How can you drink something that’s the colour purple? It’s like sookin’ on a bruise.”

 

State of decay

SUSPICIOUS reader Frank Jones gets in touch to say: “If dentists make their money off people with bad teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that nine out of 10 dentists recommend?”

 

Car-tastrophe

DISAPPOINTED reader Andy Ogilvy tells us: “I bought a second hand motor to get me from A to B. The only problem is I live in Cumbernauld.”