School’s out

A HERALD article about the late, great Kilmarnock novelist and one-time teacher, William McIlvanney, sparks a childhood memory from David Clark of Tarbolton, who attended McIlvanney's English class at Greenwood Academy from 1972  until ‘74.

As the students approached the end of their fourth year of secondary education, and with many on the cusp of entering the working world, Mr McIlvanney inquired how they planned to earn a crust in the future.

Some girls revealed they were entering the nursing profession; several boys planned on doing an apprenticeship, as there was still plenty of industry in the area.

After hearing these bold ambitions, Mr McIlvanney turned to the class ragamuffin and said: "And what about you, Willie? You cannae depend on the dugs winning every race."

 

W-holey confusing

PUZZLED Bryce Drummond from Kilmarnock says: “I’ve noticed there are parking meters with advice to pay by cash, bank card or telephone, yet don’t provide slots big enough to put my phone in.”

 

Cheesy rock band

WE’RE celebrating next year’s tour by the world’s greatest-ever band, Oasis.

(Greatest ever, that is, if you exclude a few others, such as The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, The Kinks, Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich…)

Gordon Fisher from  Stewarton is thrilled about the forthcoming reunion, and recalls a family incident in the 1990s, when the Gallagher brothers were in their pomp.

If Gordon was unsure whether he was middle-class or not, all doubt was removed by his five-year old daughter.

For she insisted on dancing and jumping round the house to the Oasis anthem Some Might Say, while innocently chanting the lyrics: “Fromage Frais…”

Out walking the other day, Tom Wylie from Elderslie spotted what he can only assume was an undercover police car...Out walking the other day, Tom Wylie from Elderslie spotted what he can only assume was an undercover police car... (Image: Contributed)

Food for thought.

SOPHISTICATED reader Adam Morrison adores French cuisine, and was chatting to a pal about the delights of Gallic grub.

His pal was not especially moved by this stirring encomium, and dismissively retorted: “To be honest, I don’t see the big deal.”

“For a start,” replied Adam, “the French don’t like fast food.”

“Must be why they keep eating snails,” said the pal.

 

Growlers love Goth

HAVING learned that dogs are being allowed in Edinburgh libraries, we’re curious to discover what the scholarly pooches are reading.

Jim Pairman claims they’re intrigued by gothic dramas set in windswept locations, such as…  Wuffering Heights.

 

Hero to zero

“I'D make a terrible superhero,” admits reader Lisa Barr. “I'd be at home and spot the signal lighting up the night sky, calling me to action, and think: ‘C’mon! I literally just sat down.’”