Double trouble
THE Diary is very excited about Oasis reforming for a series of lucrative gigs, including Murrayfield next year.
Glasgow broadcaster Muriel Gray is equally thrilled, though on social media she makes a shame-faced confession: “I have an Ant and Dec problem with the Oasis Gallagher brothers,” she says. “Require a catchy way to remember which is which.”
One of her followers tries to help out, and says: “Liam is the miserable one and Nöel is the miserable one.”
Well, we’re glad that’s sorted.
Now, if only someone would tell us how to tell the difference between Tyson Fury and Shrek…
Dog-eared books
EDINBURGH libraries are allowing dogs on the premises, so we’re wondering what books the pooches will be perusing.
John Mulholland concludes that they are probably fans of best-selling thrillers, so would enjoy the Jeffrey Archer classic Canine Abel.
Location, location, location
PICTURE this.
Jim Kirkwood from Kilmarnock tells us that one of his pals posted a photo on a WhatsApp group of himself, along with other chumps, enjoying a golf outing.
Not knowing what golf course the chaps were visiting, Jim asked: “Where are you?”
His pal replied, quite truthfully and without a hint of humour: “I'm in the photo.”
There was no arguing with that.
Murky month
GAZING out the kitchen window at the grey clouds and muddy raindrops scudding off the soggy scenery, reader Lisa Barr’s husband sighed, then said: “Autumn feels like Sunday on a grand scale.”
Missing in action
A READER recently pointed out that even with Netflix and Amazon Prime, there aren’t any truly gripping programmes on the telly.
So he suggested that classic shows from the past should be updated for the entertainment of new viewers.
With this in mind, reader John Munro suggests a topical reboot of a sci-fi classic.
Instead of Doctor Who, it will be called Doctor When (Will I Get An Appointment).
Cutting comment
WE’RE celebrating that most mellifluous of musical instruments. And, no, that doesn’t mean the pennywhistle.
Barrie Crawford says: “I was telling my daughter, Lesley, about the piping jokes in the Diary, and she told me one I hadn’t heard before (but then I lead a very sheltered existence).”
Here’s Lesley’s joke…
Question: What’s the difference between an onion and the bagpipes?
Answer: No one cries when you cut up the bagpipes.
Jog on
“IT’S true that exercise helps with decision-making,” says reader Chris Robertson. “I went for a run this morning and decided never to do that again.”
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