The generation game
A DIARY exclusive.
After years of painstaking research Peter Wright from West Kilbride announces that he has made a major breakthrough that will startle the world of philosophy… the Five Ages of Man.
He further reveals them to be:
1) Naivety.
2) Enthusiasm.
3) Reality.
4) Cynicism.
5) Grumpy.
For clarification, our correspondent adds: “Just don't ask me where I am on the spectrum, okay?”
Morning mope
ON social media Kilmarnock novelist and architect David F Ross describes the horror of his wakey-wakey ritual, and writes: “Up. Face like a mid-flight Marty Feldman fired from a circus cannon. Hair like a cottage thatched with Donald Trump Mugshot Memorial wigs. Voice like a Greek Siren blootered on ouzo and out on a hen night in a Glasgow boogie bus. Morning.”
Blimey.
We wouldn’t like to see David when he gets up on the WRONG side of the bed.
What’s up, doc?
DIARY readers of a certain age will remember a television series set in the fictional Scottish town of Tannochbrae.
Iain Maclean from Bearsden wonders if the show could be updated for modern audiences, and titled: Doctor Finlay's Facebook.
Tracking system
WE’RE analysing the use of "ish" in the English language, such as the phrase: “Not sure when I’ll get there. Probably around two-ish.”
It reminds former Labour MP Sir Brian Donohoe of the chap announcing the arrival of trains over the Tannoy at Kilwinning, who proclaimed: “The next train will be approximately late.”
David Donaldson was surprised to find a little bit of purest Yorkshire in Rochefort, France… (Image: Contributed)
Dastardly and muttley
WE mentioned that dogs are now allowed in Edinburgh libraries, which leads to the inevitable question, which books do they like to borrow?
Don Murphy from Newton Mearns suggests that they mostly enjoy perusing that ripping yarn written by Edinburgh’s own Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, The Hound of the Baskervilles.
Adds Don: “According to the canines who have read the novel, it is a tragic tale of a villainous London sleuth and his medical sidekick, who pester a perfectly sweet-tempered, though slightly rumbunctious mutt.”
Definitely… maybe?
THE major rock and roll news of the year is that snarky, snarly siblings Noel and Liam Gallagher, appear to be reforming their popular 1990s band Oasis.
Reader Joe Harris isn’t overly impressed.
“Big deal,” he shrugs. “Wake me up when the Brothers Karamazov get back together.”
Block buying
ENTREPRENEURIAL reader Norman Bell has decided to use the Diary as a marketing forum, and says to all our readers: “I have a number of medieval punishment items for sale. Hurry, while stocks last.”
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