Vague’s in vogue

THE Diary recently mentioned the popular use of "ish" when agreeing a time to meet someone.

For example: “I’ll meet you at 1pm-ish.”

Reader Willie Mould is reminded of a trip he took from Lamlash to the Holy Isle where his receipt displayed the typical Scottish island approach to time-keeping.

It read: "Departing at 10-ish and returning at 2/3/24-ish."

 

Pipe down

WE’RE celebrating Scotland’s favourite instrument, the majestically mellifluous bagpipes.

James Martin from Bearsden recalls the classic definition of a gentleman: “Someone who can play the bagpipes but chooses not to.”

 

Raging about ageing

GETTING old can be a harsh and cruel experience, notes reader Frank Newbold, who says: “One minute you're young and cool, maybe even a little dangerous. The next minute you're reading Amazon reviews for bird seed.”

 

Games people play

THE Diary recently discovered that the central boulder in Stonehenge probably originated in Scotland, before it was somehow transported all the way to the south west of England.

Unfortunately we don’t have any qualified archaeologists working at Diary Towers, though that hasn’t stopped our imaginative staff members attempting to figure out how the massive rock was dragged such an incredible distance.

We’ve concluded that a roller skate and a long string of dental floss were probably involved.

Meanwhile, reader Scott Gibson tells us that he visited Stonehenge a few years ago, and was blown away by what he saw.

The chap who was standing next to him was slightly less impressed.

He merely shrugged dismissively at the circle of oblong stones, then said: “I know it’s meant to be mystical. But to me it just looks like a game of dominoes that got out of hand.”

Hugh Peebles spotted this registration plate in Edinburgh, which provides a new spin on the question: “Why did the chicken cross the road?”Hugh Peebles spotted this registration plate in Edinburgh, which provides a new spin on the question: “Why did the chicken cross the road?” (Image: Contributed)

Blowhards

THE other day reader Lisa Barr visited a swanky Edinburgh wine bar with a pal.

The furnishings were plush, the drinks menu was extensive and the snacks on offer promised to be yummy.

The only problem was that a live band was playing on a stage. Worse still, it was jazz.

Lisa said to her pal: “It’s bad enough that we have to put up with loud music. But jazz is just a bunch of big headed musicians showing off how well they can play their instruments.”

“I know what you mean,” agreed Lisa’s pal. “They’re just blowing their own trumpet.”

 

Cuppa conundrum

A POLITICAL riddle from reader Don Murphy, who gets in touch to ask us: “Why do communists drink herbal tea?”

The answer, of course, is: “Because proper tea is theft.”