Modern romance
THE dating scene can be a whole lot of fun. It can also be confusing for the uninitiated.
A friend of reader Mark Baldwin joined a dating community for middle-aged men and women who are on the hunt for lurve. (Or perhaps just a sneaky snog at the end of a boozy Friday night.)
Mark’s friend was surprised when he was asked by the person running the group to complete a detailed questionnaire.
One of the questions he was asked was if he was interested in "ethical non-monogamy".
He had never heard of this exotic concept, so inquired what it meant.
The chap running the group explained: “That’s when you don’t even bother pretending you’re not married.”
Talking balls
THE teenage daughter of reader Janice Morrow applied for a weekend job working as an assistant with a Glasgow paintball company.
When she returned home from her interview Janice asked how it went.
With a cocky grin, the teen replied: “I suppose you could say I passed with flying colours.”
Face facts
ON a southside bus into Glasgow city centre, reader Eddie Hutcheson overheard two vivacious young debutantes chatting.
Said one debutante to the other: “I’m gettin ma botox done oan Thursday.”
She added: “ Thank goad. Wi'oot ma botox, I feel like I’m walkin’ aboot wi someone else’s face hingin’ aff ma ears.”
Bedtime story
DECIDING to refurbish the bedroom shared by her two young sons, Maureen Laverty took the six and seven-year-old to a warehouse specialising in beds, and asked if they would like to replace their standard beds with a natty new bunkbed.
Both lads were delighted to do so, with the seven-year-old gazing at the two-storey bed approvingly, before saying: “Excellent! It’s like a chest of drawers for humans.”
Snack attack
ENGLISH teacher Mark Hanson was once supervising the school lunch break, and noticed two 14-year-old boys munching snacks while arguing, which led to a diabolical threat.
Said one angry lad to the other: “I’ve got a Wotsit in my hand, and I’m not afraid to use it.”
Jim Pairman says : “I totally support nursing mothers who need to breastfeed in public premises, though I’m not sure the gents lav is the best place…” (Image: Contributed)
Frying tonight
THE Diary is making famous music acts edible.
Brian Logan from Langside suggests an oriental twist on a classic Mersey Beat hit…You’ll Never Wok Alone.
The big chill
OUTRAGED reader John Powell gets in touch to grump: “If you serve your kids frozen lasagna or frozen spaghetti for dinner, you are a terrible parent. I don't care how busy you are, find the time to microwave the food first.”
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