Modern romance
THE dating scene can be a whole lot of fun. It can also be confusing for the uninitiated.
A friend of reader Mark Baldwin joined a dating community for middle-aged men and women who are on the hunt for lurve. (Or perhaps just a sneaky snog at the end of a boozy Friday night.)
Mark’s friend was surprised when he was asked by the person running the group to complete a detailed questionnaire.
One of the questions he was asked was if he was interested in "ethical non-monogamy".
He had never heard of this exotic concept, so inquired what it meant.
The chap running the group explained: “That’s when you don’t even bother pretending you’re not married.”
Talking balls
THE teenage daughter of reader Janice Morrow applied for a weekend job working as an assistant with a Glasgow paintball company.
When she returned home from her interview Janice asked how it went.
With a cocky grin, the teen replied: “I suppose you could say I passed with flying colours.”
Face facts
ON a southside bus into Glasgow city centre, reader Eddie Hutcheson overheard two vivacious young debutantes chatting.
Said one debutante to the other: “I’m gettin ma botox done oan Thursday.”
She added: “ Thank goad. Wi'oot ma botox, I feel like I’m walkin’ aboot wi someone else’s face hingin’ aff ma ears.”
Bedtime story
DECIDING to refurbish the bedroom shared by her two young sons, Maureen Laverty took the six and seven-year-old to a warehouse specialising in beds, and asked if they would like to replace their standard beds with a natty new bunkbed.
Both lads were delighted to do so, with the seven-year-old gazing at the two-storey bed approvingly, before saying: “Excellent! It’s like a chest of drawers for humans.”
Snack attack
ENGLISH teacher Mark Hanson was once supervising the school lunch break, and noticed two 14-year-old boys munching snacks while arguing, which led to a diabolical threat.
Said one angry lad to the other: “I’ve got a Wotsit in my hand, and I’m not afraid to use it.”
Frying tonight
THE Diary is making famous music acts edible.
Brian Logan from Langside suggests an oriental twist on a classic Mersey Beat hit…You’ll Never Wok Alone.
The big chill
OUTRAGED reader John Powell gets in touch to grump: “If you serve your kids frozen lasagna or frozen spaghetti for dinner, you are a terrible parent. I don't care how busy you are, find the time to microwave the food first.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here