Dishing it out
A TALE of tardy time-keeping and a tart response.
The best friend of reader Linda Upton is a very punctual person.
Linda, herself?
Not so much.
The two women agreed to meet in a favourite restaurant in Glasgow’s west end a few weeks ago, at 1pm.
The morning of the lunch Linda texted her friend the following message: “I’ll be there about one-ish.”
Her friend immediately texted back: “Ish?! Don’t give me your ish.”
Suitably chastised, Linda turned up at one on the dot, and she has never attempted to use a sneaky ish since.
Rock on
IT’S often remarked that travel broadens the mind, though it can also be a disappointing experience.
Geoff Roberts once visited Boulder, Colorado, with his wife and young son.
His son was not impressed, and at one point said: “So when do we get to see it?”
“See what?” asked Geoff.
“The boulder of Colorado,” said the eager little chap.
The next time the family were strolling in the American city, Geoff pointed at a stray pebble on the ground and said: “That’s it, there.”
Geoff’s son was not amused.
Sticky situation
SCIENCE corner.
Reader Richard Bowles says: “I squirted superglue on a non-stick frying pan to see which one would surrender first.”
Fighting talk
WE mentioned a conversation that took place in a library.
Which reminds Ian Haley of the time he was borrowing a few books from one such establishment.
The librarian glanced at the books Ian was taking out, which included a history of the Second World War and a biography of Napoleon.
“I see you’re a bit of a warmonger,” said the cheeky librarian.
“No I’m not,” retorted Ian. “I’ve never mongered a single war in all my life.”
The name game
ON Scottish social media we recently stumbled upon a conversation about memorable nicknames.
On the site one of the contributors says he works with a chap who is known as Keth.
The reason?
His actual name is Keith, however the poor chap is missing an eye.
Binbag
THE Diary recently mentioned that most glorious of Scottish musical instruments.
Which reminds Angus Macmillan from Dumfries of a riddle: “What's the best definition of perfect pitch?”
The answer is: “When you throw a set of bagpipes into a skip without touching the sides.”
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