Brought to book

GLASGOW, as we often point out, is a cultured city where the locals have a deep appreciation of literature.

Ron Taylor was in the Waterstones book shop in Argyle Street when he overheard a teenage girl chatting to her mother.

“You don’t know who Mary Shelley is?” said the astonished youth. “She wrote Frankenstein.”

The mother was not especially impressed, and merely replied: “I dinnae read books, but. I bet you dinnae know hauf the footballers I know.”

 

Criminally talented

AN inspiring tale involving a master and his disciple, who rapidly shows himself to be a brilliant prodigy.

Colin Williams is a partner in a Dundee criminal law firm where a uni graduate was hired a few weeks ago.

Colin, who is perhaps a tad cynical after defending dodgy dudes and deranged dames for many decades, said to this young fellow: “After a few years working here, you’ll start to despise the human race.”

Sounding a note of defiance, the trainee replied: “Oh, no. I despised the human race long before I came here.”

 

Hard to swallow

THE Diary is making famous music acts edible.

Reader David Donaldson points out that there are some bands that just can’t be eaten.

To prove his point he recalls a grand house in Sydenham Road in the 1960s, where he met the late campaigning journalist Paul Foot, who was training as a hack with a local Glasgow tabloid.

“Foot was living in what had been the billiard room, and there was a bunch of musicians there, too,” says David.  

“I think they were called The Inedible String Band.”   

 

Dishing the dirt

EVERYONE is a critic, points out reader John Scott.

He was walking in Glasgow city centre the other day when he overheard two exceedingly raggedy and pungent tramps gossiping about a mutual acquaintance.

One of the dusty mendicants shook his head with utter contempt, then said: “He’s a total disgrace. I’ve never seen someone so manky in all my life.”

David Gemmell from Lanark spots a running theme in the opening times at Dobbies Sandyholm Garden Centre in Crossford. Proving he could easily be a newspaper editor, David says: “Would ‘Open 9am to 6pm Every Day’ not have been better?”David Gemmell from Lanark spots a running theme in the opening times at Dobbies Sandyholm Garden Centre in Crossford. Proving he could easily be a newspaper editor, David says: “Would ‘Open 9am to 6pm Every Day’ not have been better?” (Image: Contributed)

Double trouble

BEING a good friend is its own reward, though it can also bring its fair share of concerns, notes reader Mike Hickman, who asks our advice about a marital problem.

“I'm best man at my pal’s second wedding,” explains Mike. “Is it appropriate to open my after-dinner speech by saying, ‘Welcome back everyone’."?

 

Hot to handle

GRIM thought of the day from reader Betty Sullivan, who says: “Perhaps people who work in a crematorium are just culinary school dropouts who burned everything…”