Them’s the breaks
THE horrifying consequences of allowing guns into public events was in the news this week.
The gun in question being a Raygun from Australia, which is how Rachael Gunn markets herself.
Rachael, a middle-aged academic from Sydney, enjoys wriggling around on the floor, wacky face-pulling and boing-boinging like a caffeinated kangaroo.
She claims all of the above make her a breaker, or breakdancer, as the less cool kids call this particular exercise.
The twitchy lass performed one of her funny wee dances at the Paris Olympics, and everyone laughed appreciatively, before PhaserFace - sorry, Raygun - said: “Hey, I’m being serious, ya know, I’m an arteest!”, or words to that effect.
Which just made everyone laugh harder.
Raygun is pure ragin’ about all of this, but the Diary advises her to enjoy the notoriety while it lasts, and not take herself so seriously.
We haven’t taken ourselves seriously for decades, after all, and it hasn’t done us any harm, as the following classic tales from our archives prove…
Deer oh deer
WE’RE often told tales of immigrants to the North of Scotland who don’t always blend in well with the more established population.
A northern reader claimed that a new neighbour rang Highland Council to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on the road.
The reason given was that too many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.
Romantic inclination
COUNCILLORS in Renfrewshire were delighted to hear that Paisley Art Gallery had been gifted a number of paintings as part of the Saatchi Bequest, which involved distributing contemporary art to the regions.
The council report listed the paintings as "Swimsuit", "Corset", "Chair", "Not Without an Element of Frustration", "Mr Reasonable", and "Delightful".
A puzzled councillor reading the list just had to ask: “Are these paintings, or the start of a Mills & Boon novel?”
Lost in translation
LENZIE Rugby Club had one of its finest moments when it won the SRU title at Murrayfield a while ago.
Coach Iain MacCallum met a rather posh SRU official at Murrayfield who had forgotten to introduce himself, so eventually Iain said to him: “Who are you?”
The Edinburgh chap replied: “Fine, thank you. How are you?”
Legal lingo
AN apposite mistake was noticed in the web pages of the Law Society of Scotland.
In its section on divorce, common questions were listed, and under “When can I get a divorce?” came the answer, “if you have loved apart for more than two years.”
Naughty nabbing
AN unlikely tale from a reader from Glasgow’s West End, who once got in touch to tell us that he was having a competition with his wife to see who could steal the most dog related items from their local pet shop.
He proudly added: “I've just taken the lead.”
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