Where is Elaine C. Smith at this moment in life? Well, she’s more than happy to be scaring the bejesus out of weans, offering up a creature that’s creepier than Elon Musk at Halloween.

Right now, the nation’s comedy queen is set to take the stage as the piece of practised evil that is the Child Catcher in a touring production of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

But hold on; Smith, now at an age we used to describe as pension-collecting, has been in the laughter business since before Jimmy Krankie was a boy.  How easy can it be to slide over to the dark side, playing a character who makes a living by stealing weans? 

“Well, as you know the Child Catcher has always been played by a man, but I think sensibilities have changed as far as the threats to kids go,” she explains with a wry smile.  “But a woman playing the character sort of takes the curse off it. And we played her out a bit more like the Evil Witch or the Evil Queen in panto.”

She adds, smiling, “But yes, it’s tricky to have to play a straight character (albeit with a mock German/Eastern European accent).  Paul O’Grady (her long-term chum) could get away with laughs a bit more because he had his Lily Savage creation to work from, and she was a bit dark, but I can’t be funny in this show with this character. What you have to consider is that this is a production that’s already up and running, I’m coming in for the Scottish end of the tour, so I can’t be changing things.”  Smith laughs. “There’s no room for a wee five-minute tap dance in the middle.”

The actor admits Chitty wasn’t one of her favourites from yesteryear. “For me, the film [written by James Bond creator Ian Fleming] was a bit odd. However, I took my kids to see it in London years ago when Paul was playing the Child Catcher, and they absolutely loved it. And this is an incredible new production.”

It made complete sense for the producers of this tour to hire Smith. She’s box office gold, a reputation built on her days in touring theatre with the likes of Borderline and TV work in the likes of Naked Video, which helped propel the Comedy Unit to fabulous success. Her Comedy Festival stage show this year sold out in four hours, and she then toured it (with the box office going to foodbanks.)  And her BBC success with Two Doors Down underlined Smith’s saturnine cynic Christine to be one of the standout sitcom characters of all time.  “Thanks to Two Doors Down I seem to be popular with young gay guys,” she says, with a pleased smile, of her widened audience.


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What of the hit show? Smith says it’s unlikely she will return to the BBC comedy, given the tragic loss of co-writer Simon Carlyle. “Simon was on the set every day. He’d come in and whisper ideas in my ear and then I’d play them out. He was all over it for all of us. The thought of being in that living room without him . . .”

Her voice trails off, heavy with the recall of her comedy chum. “But there is a chance of a live show,” she says, reaching for an upbeat note. “I think that may be a possibility next year.  There is nothing concrete, but that would allow us to pay tribute to Simon.”

She adds, “It would also be great for the fans.  But we need to consider the venue. The challenge for appearing somewhere like the Hydro would be in achieving the living-room intimacy the show needs.”

What emerges from a chat with Elaine C. Smith is a woman happy with her lot, keen to keep on working on her own terms, performing a range of characters whether it’s a wicked Child Catcher or a panto dame. Retirement isn’t in her plans at all. What she does aim to do is entertain. “The way the world is, you need a show that offers up nostalgia, a great story, some lovely music, great characters and a happy ending,” she says of Chitty. “In fact, I feel sorry for people at the moment who are putting on plays about Covid. It’s escape we need.”

She adds, to underline her point. “We’ve added an extra week to our panto this year at the King’s (Smith plays Mrs Smee in Peter Pan). That tells you so much.”

But hang on a minute. Surely to be able to play the Child Catcher there has to be a dark, bad character part in Smith herself to be able to access? “Have you seen my Christine?” she says, laughing.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang also stars Adam Garcia and Liam Fox, the King’s Theatre, Glasgow, August 27 – September 8.

Don’t Miss: Anyone Who Had A Heart, set in Sixties Britain when homosexuality was illegal. The play considers the pain and loneliness of the gay community – set to Cilla music. PBH’s Free Fringe, CC Blooms, August 18-25.