Herald Diary: The big problem with an early Beatles smash hit

One minute you’re desperately trying to thrust a flyer into the hands of disinterested tourists.

Then, after a couple of well-attended performances, everything changes dramatically.

And suddenly… you’ve made enough money to print a few more flyers to thrust into the hands of disinterested tourists.

Comedian and Scot Squad actor Paul McDaniel is performing his show Butter Beans at the Fringe, and it’s proving an illuminating experience.

Says Paul: “A reviewer came to my show, laughed a bit, fell asleep, then woke up and laughed a bit at the end. Can't wait to read the review!”

PS The reviewer definitely wasn’t on the Diary payroll. Our hacks stay asleep throughout entire performances. There’s nothing we prize more than consistency.

Legless in Loch

WE recommend that before reading the following tale you find a loved one and tightly clasp their hand.

For this is a scary story, not to be endured alone.

It’s been reported that a man fishing on a Loch Lomond island was “astonished” to find an eight-foot shedded snake skin. Presumably the previous owner of the skin was lurking nearby.

This is a shocking revelation, and not just because it’s hard to believe men still go fishing, especially when there are so many good shows on Netflix.

On social media it’s causing quite the stir, with one reptile expert concluding: “It’s definitely a Balloch Constrictor.”

No to yeah

WE mentioned rock stars struggling with grammar.

Which reminds Brendan Keenan of former Argyll and Bute resident, and fairly successful singer, Paul McCartney, who early in his career wrote a song with a chap called John Lennon, that included the lyrics: “She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah.”

After completing this ditty, Paul played it to his father, who was not entirely complimentary.

He conceded it was okay, but hated those pesky Americanisms, and suggested a better chorus would be: “She loves you, yes, yes, yes.”

“This is excellent advice,” says reader Chris Robertson. “Especially when it’s so much easier to plunge them into the toilet bowl.” (Image: Contributed)

Biteable band

THE Diary’s making famous music acts edible.

James Scott suggests a Scottish funk band who were once the toast of the town… The Average White Bread.

Birdbrained badinage

IN Glasgow city centre reader Eileen McKenney and a pal witnessed a mugging, when a seagull nabbed a woman’s sandwich from her hand.

“Those seagulls are sneaky,” said Eileen.

Her friend agreed, adding: “They’re certainly not gullible.”

Toad-ally silly

DAFT joke time.

“What has more lives than a cat?” asks Neal Woods. “A frog. Because they croak every day.”