There is something about this point in August that stirs a perennially familiar feeling deep within my soul. A curious melancholy tinged with excitement. A nervous fluttering of butterflies in the stomach.
Never mind that it has been decades since I last stepped foot inside a classroom, there is an unmistakable back-to-school mood that hangs in the air. A blank page. New beginnings.
When I was growing up, my mum used to throw us a back-to-school party. It was a clever idea that took the edge off the summer holidays drawing to an end yet also helped frame the return to lessons in a positive light.
The premise was similar to a birthday bash, with friends coming over, fun games and lots of yummy snacks. We’re talking bowls of Quavers and Monster Munch, iced biscuits, sausage rolls, cupcakes, tiny sandwiches and marshmallow top hats.
To this day, these remain among some of my most-beloved comfort foods. This fond reminiscing, in turn, got me ruminating about comfort food in general. Which is your favourite and what does it say about you? Let’s find out…
Stovies
Aside from the thorny “salt and sauce” versus “salt and vinegar” chippy divide of the central belt, is there a Scottish culinary saga that stokes more heated discourse than stovies?
Merely attempting to query the confusing regional variations is akin to a declaration of war. My recipe for stovies comprises potatoes, corned beef and onions. My husband steadfastly insists the corned beef and onions should be ditched in favour of mince, gravy, peas and carrots.
I have a friend who reckons that there has to be turnip in there somewhere, while another pal swears that sausages and artery-clogging dripping are non-negotiable. The one thing we can all agree on is tatties. Plenty of them. And don’t scrimp on the butter.
Verdict: As a stovies fan, you enjoy debate and aren’t afraid to speak your mind. A staunch traditionalist who refuses to be swayed by anything considered faddy.
Arctic roll
While I like the idea of it on paper, Arctic roll has always left me feeling a tad conflicted. If the sponge is soft, the ice cream is too melted; if the ice cream is hard, you need chisels for teeth to bite into the sponge.
Achieving the perfect consistency between sponge and ice cream is like witnessing a rare Agave Americana bloom or seeing Halley’s Comet grace the night sky.
Verdict: You are a confusing conundrum of a human with tendencies towards the deliberately contrary.
Pretend “posh” foods
Ferrero Rocher, After Eights, Babycham, Viennetta, Fondant Fancies: anything that in the 1970s/1980s/1990s would be considered the giddy heights of sophistication and proudly wheeled out to impress guests.
Verdict: Kitsch, cosy nostalgia is your vibe. We can definitely be friends.
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Soup
Tomato, chicken noodle, vegetable, leek and potato, oxtail, lentil: a hug in a bowl. If soup isn’t on the menu, your go-to is probably a soft-boiled egg mashed in a cup with toast soldiers. Or a giant vat of rice pudding with a dollop of jam.
Verdict: You are laid-back, low-maintenance and wholesome.
Kids’ party food
Not the fruit salads, crudites and hummus dips of modern times. Rather old school kids’ party fare: pizza, savoury pastries, crisps, sandwiches, jelly sweets, slabs of cake, gooey desserts and so on.
A symphony of beige and lurid artificial colouring to make the heart sing. And no slaving over a hot stove either. The beauty of beige food is everything can be thrown in the oven at 180C for 20 minutes, regardless of the actual cooking instructions.
Verdict: You are young at heart, don’t take yourself too seriously and well-versed at waking up with a sugar “hangover” after one too many Percy Pigs or sherbet-filled flying saucers.
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