Raging against ageing
THERE’S nothing quite so dispiriting as the relentless tick-tick-tick of the pocket-watch kept in the waistcoat of Old Father Time.
Reader Scott Simpson visited his grandfather, who was looking a tad glum.
Scott asked the 88-year-old if anything was the matter.
The elderly chap nodded, then said: “I was just thinking that in a few weeks time I’ll be 89, so my life is almost half over.”
Says Scott: “It was a curious statement. I’m not sure whether it means my granddad is a pessimist or an optimist.”
Bobbing along
THE ageing process, continued.
On social media, fans of legendary folk singer Bob Dylan are discussing his Rough and Rowdy Ways tour, which includes November performances in Edinburgh’s Usher Hall.
Bob’s in his eighties now, which inspired one Scottish Facebook wit to retitle the tour… Shoogly and Wobbly Days.
Hard to swallow
A DRAMATIC change.
Reader Lynn Black admits she was increasingly bored with the regular morning breakfast eaten by her family, which consisted of cornflakes and milk. (Or if anyone demanded a more daring alternative, they could always have toast and butter.)
To freshen up the morning routine, Lynn purchased something labelled "American Pancakes" and put a plate of them in the middle of the family breakfast table.
Lynn’s teenage son was trembling with excitement at this unexpected development, and took a hearty munch of the exotic nosh.
He immediately spat it out, then grunted: “Ugh! Disgusting!”
Before Lynn could scream at the revolting youth for spitting at the breakfast table, he added: “I don’t care if America’s got a Grand Canyon and a Statue of Liberty. If this is what it does to its people, I’m never gonna visit.”
Hot favourites
IT seems we are not quite finished with the Olympics.
Retired Labour MP Sir Brian Donohoe gets in touch to propose an improvement for the next Games.
“Why doesn’t the Diary start a campaign to get Blow Football entered in the Olympics?” he asks, further noting: “Everything else is now included.”
We’re not quite persuaded that this is a good idea, until Sir Brian adds: “Lots of hot air in the Diary’s Executive Lounge, so you could compete…”
Whole Lotta Loaf
THE Diary’s making famous music acts edible.
Ian Curran suggests a munchable metal act, who go by the name of… Bread Zeppelin.
Wreck-It Ralph
AN honest assessment from one of our hard-living readers. Ralph Eaglewood ruefully admits: “If my body was a temple, it would be called the Sabo-Taj Mahal.”
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