Going for gold
A SKATEBOARDER who came third at the Paris Olympics has been moaning about the quality of his bronze medal.
Nyjah Huston from the USA says it already looks scuffed, with bits chipping off.
The Diary’s elite squad of athletes encountered a similar problem at our recent Office Olympics, when winning competitors immediately noticed that the gold on their medals was actually discarded Ferrero Rocher wrappers that the Editor discovered while rummaging in the skip round the back of Diary Towers.
When complaints were made, the Ed reminded staff that it’s all about the winning, not the whining.
Then he deducted a month’s wages from everyone, as he was still feeling a tad grumpy, having failed to find any chocolate inside the Ferrero Rocher wrappers nabbed from the skip.
We might be stony broke this month, but the Diary staff remain chipper (not chipped like an Olympic medal).
For we still get the privilege of working on our popular series of tales, including the following classic yarns from our archives…
Showing character
A GLASGOW father was watching over his young daughter’s shoulder as she set up an e-mail account on the family computer.
She reached the point where she had to put in a password and the message on the screen explained that it had to have at least four characters.
After thinking about it, she typed "snowwhitebartsimpsonshrekwoodie".
Mum’s the word
IN the organisers’ tent at the Edinburgh Book Festival, a child once entered and declared: “I can’t find my mummy.”
“We have a lost child here,” cried an organiser.
“No,” replied the child sternly. “What we have is a lost mummy.”
Phoney advice
A THOUGHTFUL reader once got in touch to say: “Surely more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every fifth caller a winner.”
Reflecting on attitude
WE were told of the Glasgow businessman who, arriving back at the airport from a trip abroad, decided rather reluctantly to buy his wife a belated present.
Looking at perfumes, he discounted the £50 bottle, then the £25 eau de cologne, before telling the young assistant: “Can you not show me something really cheap?”
Without a word she handed him a mirror from the counter.
Hopeless hubby
A GREENOCK lady told us that her husband wanted a favourite shirt washed for a special occasion, so she decided to put her foot down and told him to wash it himself.
From the kitchen came a cry of “What setting do I use?”
When she shouted back “What does it say on the shirt?”, there was a pause before he retorted with “Ben Sherman”.
Brought to book
A NOVEL experience. A reader once told us that she had joined a book-binding class. She then added: “The tutor said, ‘Come in and make yourself a tome.’”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel