If you are Christmas shopping this weekend (what do you mean you haven’t started?), be sure to get your paws on Fefe, a new perfume for dogs by Dolce & Gabbana.

Named after Domenico Dolce’s beloved poodle, the perfume costs £85 and is certified suitable for animal use.

Though vets disagree about using scent on dogs - it may interfere with the animal’s sense of smell and cover up bad odours that could be a symptom of diseases - let us push that aside and turn to the serious business of how D&G are going to advertise the stuff.

I’m thinking a black and white commercial with Fefe power-striding towards the camera, looking enigmatic. Or as enigmatic as a ginger poodle can look.

As anyone who accompanies their pet on the morning safari/sniffari knows, dogs are into stinks, big-time.

“Dogs recognise themselves by smells, they recognize a person by a smell,” said Federico Coccia, a vet in Rome.

“When the dog arrives, he sees you, wags his tail, but first smells you and then recognises you because you are stored in one of his ‘smell drawers’. Therefore, this world of smells should not be changed.”

Fefe the perfume is described as a “gentle and delicate” blend of ylang ylang, musk and sandalwood. If the roles were reversed I wonder what a perfume designed by dogs for humans would smell like. Chicken probably, with a top note of sheep droppings. No worse than some aftershaves I’ve encountered.

Afraid I won’t be buying perfume for my girl. She is just not that kind of dog. Some dogs don’t mind faff, others do, and you know which group your pal belongs in.

Hobo is an au naturelle kind of gal. She hasn’t had a bath in the six years she has been here, hates being brushed, and won’t wear a coat if it is raining. The lady’s a tramp, what’s wrong with that?