Talking balls
SPORTS news.
John Mulholland notes that Rangers striker, Cyriel Dessers, scored a stunning last minute equaliser in a crucial Champions League qualifying match against Dynamo Kyiv.
Even more remarkable was the conversation John overheard in the office afterwards…
“Did you see Dessers’ goal last night with the final kick of the ball?”
“Aye, surreal!”
“Naw, it wis Cyriel.”
The hard truth
THE husband of reader Debbie Howat was whining piteously one morning, saying he had an agonising headache.
Debbie translated this to mean he had a hangover after attending a leaving party for one of his work colleagues, the previous evening.
Showing scant sympathy for her other half’s desperate plight, Debbie said: “I thought I warned you to stay away from the hard stuff.”
“I took your advice,” answered hubby. “There was nothing hard about it. I drank it in liquid form.”
Birdbrained theory
AS our readers are no doubt aware, the group noun for a bunch of crows hanging around together is the rather sinister sounding phrase a "murder of crows".
Diary legal expert Joe Addison has been thinking about this, and come to an interesting conclusion.
He says: “In order to have a murder of crows, there must be probable caws.”
Tasty tunes, continued
THE Diary is making famous music acts edible.
David Morrow suggests a delicious Hebridean pasta which goes by the name… Runrigatoni.
Dissing debutante
ROMANCE in the modern era: ain’t it delightful?
When he was an enthusiastic participant in Glasgow’s dating scene, reader Drew Grayson got chatting to a young debutante he met in a west end bar.
He assumed a romantic connection was being forged until she delivered a compliment of the back-handed variety.
“Y’know, I’ve been staring at you,” she said to Drew, after he had generously bought her several glasses of white wine, “and I’ve come to the conclusion that you’re either an ugly version of a good-looking guy, or a good-looking version of an ugly guy.”
No more white wine was bought for the young debutante that evening.
Price is right?
DURING breakfast Amanda Halford’s husband was looking pensive, so she said to him: “Penny for your thoughts.”
He merely snorted, then replied: “Haven’t you heard of inflation? Nowadays my thoughts are worth at least a pound.”
Ashes to ashes
A TALE of optimism and the afterlife.
“My wife asked why I want to be cremated,” says reader Oliver Smith. “I told her it’s because that’s my last hope of a smoking hot body.”
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