Lot of bottle
THE son of reader Nick Davison still lives at home, and he celebrated his 21st birthday by having friends round for a BBQ in the back garden.
Nick and his wife went out for the afternoon, allowing the young folk to relax without feeling they were being supervised.
In a generous mood, Nick even provided the garden-party gang with a couple of boxes of beer.
When Nick returned that evening he was disappointed to observe that the party hadn’t broken up.
In fact, it had invaded the living room, where one drunk reveller had discovered, to his obvious delight, the drinks cabinet.
This smirking chap was grasping Nick’s prized bottle of Glenfiddich single malt.
“Do you know how much that stuff costs?” hissed an outraged Nick.
The young fellow, clearly not reading the room, took a mighty swig from the bottle, then said: “Y’know, this stuff isn’t bad, but have you tried Sainsbury’s own brand?”
Mind your language
WE mentioned the famous novelist Evelyn Waugh, author of Brideshead Revisited.
Which reminds Ian Noble from Carstairs Village of a young, upcoming jockey called Amie Waugh, whose surname is a bit of a linguistic challenge for some English commentators.
Says Ian: “Last week one of them called her ‘Amie Waff’. I found myself shouting at the television ‘There is no F in Waugh!’ but it was all in vain.”
Picture perfect
A PHONEY observation from reader Karen Mowbray: “If you're not afraid when someone’s flipping through the photos on your mobile, you're probably boring.”
Height of foolishness
CULTURE-LOVING Veronica Peters once persuaded her husband to accompany her to the ballet.
He wasn’t impressed.
“All those ladies on tip-toes,” he said. “I don’t know why they couldn’t just hire taller women.”
Ozzfeast
THE Diary is making famous music acts edible.
Neil Robinson suggests a tasty variation on Ozzy Osbourne’s band… Snack Sabbath.
A hairy situation
A FRIEND of reader Joe Hilton arrived at the pub proudly exhibiting a lustrous growth of hair that had taken up residency under his nose.
This moustache was duly remarked upon by another of Joe’s friends, who said: “That thing makes you look like Charles Rennie Mackintosh.”
“Yes,” agreed the moustached man, adding: “That’s why I call it my Mackin-tash.”
Ya daft rocket
SCIENCE correspondent Peter Wright from West Kilbride says: “A high-tech space projectile, using the latest AI guidance system, took off for Mars but came down in the Eastern Mediterranean Sea. Apparently it couldn't tell Mars from Elba.”
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