The name game
POLITICS is complex, and can be difficult to understand, especially when you’re young.
Reader Derek Campbell was telling his 12-year-old daughter about the major political parties in the UK.
At one point he mentioned that the Conservatives are also known as Tories.
“Do any other parties have more than one name?” inquired Derek’s daughter.
“Not really,” said Derek.
“Well, that’s not fair!” growled the outraged child, who has now vowed to supply all other parties with an appropriate alternative moniker.
She’s started her quest by labelling Labour the Bories, explaining: “Their leader’s Keir Starmer, and it doesn’t get more boring than that.”
Cornball commentary
OBSERVANT reader Eddy Cavin continues listing the sporting clichés that some media outlets will broadcast or print when reporting on the forthcoming football season…
1) Player who wants a transfer says: “Come and get me Rangers / Celtic.”
2) Scottish teams still in European competitions send a member of their coaching team on a “spying mission” and they come back with a “dossier”.
3) Scottish teams already out of European competitions say it will allow them to concentrate on the League which was “always our priority anyway.”
4) Fans demand their team / club / board “splash the cash” because they “deserve better.”
5) In the annual “triumph of hope over experience” fans turn up for the first game of the new season.
Tasty tunes
CULTURED reader Jim Grant enjoys music and food and hopes to combine these passions by making his favourite musicians edible.
For starters he’ll be enjoying a delicious dish of Fleetwood Mac n Cheese.
Talking balls again
THE Paris Olympics is causing consternation in the home of reader Tony Wallis, particularly the table tennis tournament.
“This is daft,” harrumphed Tony’s wife, as they watched the niche sport on telly.
She then added: “A table’s for plates and cutlery, not funny wee white balls.”
The hero’s journey
EDINBURGH-born writer Irvine Welsh is proving it’s not only Olympiads who are inspirational over-achievers.
On social media he boasts: “It’s not been easy. It’s been a long road. But I’m delighted because I showed determination and kept going.
“I got out that pub into that tube station at Tottenham Court Road and out at Mornington Crescent and made the short walk home. Don’t ever let them say it can’t be done.”
Super slacker
OLYMPICS continued.
Reader Chris Davies tells us: “If laziness was an Olympic sport, I’d come fourth, just so I wouldn’t have to walk up to the podium.”
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